Opinions Matter with Adrian & Jeremy

00:00 It's Ireland's most talked about podcast. The only podcast with live callers and live debates. It's Opinions Matter with Adrian and Katie. 00:12 You're very welcome to this latest Opinions Matter podcast with Adrian and Katie, recorded live at our studio at the White Sands Hotel in Port Marnock in North County Dublin. If you are in the Port Marnock area, why not swing by the White Sands Hotel, Opinions Matter Aoife is the lady who has contacted us. 00:56 Aoife, thank you very much indeed for contacting us. She sent us an email to allopinionsmattershow at gmail.com. allopinionsmattershow, all one word, at gmail.com. 01:12 Here's what Aoife wrote. I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. And the other night he told me he'd like to spice up our sex life a bit by trying bondage, taking turns, tying each other up and basically dominating each other. 01:29 To be honest, I was really shocked that he even asked. 01:34 It's made me feel very uncomfortable and it's just not something I'd ever be into. 01:40 When I told a couple of my friends, they said it is a huge red flag and that any man who's into that could very well be dangerous. 01:50 Now, he hasn't pressured me at all, but now I'm wondering if I should be worried. Is this a red flag or am I overthinking it? And that is from a lady called Aoife. And Aoife, thank you very much indeed for contacting us. And as I said, you can email us yourself, allopinionsmattershow at gmail.com. Now... 02:14 As is always the case, we agree on very little, just like I agree on very little with Jeremy as well. 02:23 They're together two years and already he's asking to tie her up and to... She just said try bondage. That can involve all sorts of shit. 02:36 Your reaction was very different to mine. 02:39 Why does that always have to be me? 02:42 I'm asking you a question. Why don't you say first? 02:46 I think it's a bit weird. I think it's a bit... They're together two years and already he's bored. He's already bored with their sex life after two years. That's a bit of a red flag in itself. 02:57 I think your reaction is crazy. I think your reaction is crazy. 03:02 If that guy is already bored with their sex life after two years and he wants to introduce bondage, what happens in another four or five years when he gets bored again? 03:16 So first of all, let me preface what I'm about to say by saying obviously nobody has to do anything that they're uncomfortable with before all the feminists jump on me and start saying like, oh, you know, she's uncomfortable. Obviously nobody has to do anything that they're uncomfortable with. But I actually find this guy a massive green flag. A massive green flag. 03:31 A massive green flag? 03:32 Yeah, a massive green flag. This is a guy who obviously feels comfortable. 03:35 The other night he told me he'd like to spice up our sex life by trying bondage, taking turns, tying each other up and basically dominating each other. 03:44 Well, first of all, they're sexually incompatible. I mean, that's definite. They're sexually incompatible. They weren't up until this week. But if that's what he's looking for now. 03:54 My point is, if he is already bored with their sex life after two years, that to me is a red flag. 04:02 Okay, I see it as a green flag. And the reason I bear with me, because this is going to sound weird. I see it as a green flag because he obviously felt comfortable enough to tell her his fantasy. And it probably wasn't an easy thing for him to do, not knowing, you know, is she going to fucking think I'm a weirdo? Which she's basically called him dangerous, which is mad. 04:19 He shared a fancy with her. By the way, this is the kind of thing I would say that requires a lot of trust. And it's a very intimate and personal thing to do. It's not like just having a ride. Do you know what I mean? It's very intimate and personal. And it requires a lot of trust, I would say. You're basically saying... 04:36 You're agreeing to be at the mercy of someone and to surrender to them. But even those words coming out of your mouth. But it's better. To be at the mercy of somebody. The guy's a bit kinky. So what? So what? The guy's a bit kinky. Why is it a red flag? 04:50 Because they're only two years into their relationship. That's the red flag for me. Two years? 04:56 People are married and have kids. 04:58 I know, I know that. But hang on. He says he wants to try a bit of bondage, taking turns, tying each other up, which is basically making a slave out of somebody. Yeah? No, sorry, Darren. 05:11 Chains and whips obviously excite, Katie. Darren, it does nothing. Sorry, you're having an open mind about something. Another issue I have with this woman's message is she said, read the middle part again. 05:22 To be honest, I was really shocked that he even asked. It made me feel very uncomfortable and it's just not something I'd ever be into. So can you not understand why somebody might not be into being tied up and being dominated? 05:35 No, that's fine. That's absolutely fine. Obviously, look, everyone has their preferences and everything else. But I'm saying to call the guy dangerous because he said he has a fetish, I don't agree with that. Do you know what I mean? He was honest with you and you basically ridiculed him. You can say no and move on and be done with it. But there's no need for the day. It's not a red flag. 05:53 The red flag would be if he was pressuring into it. That would be the red flag. 05:58 But what comes next? You know, do you get into whipping? Do you get into... 06:02 He says it's basically practice rape. Two consenting adults to something like that, that's not rape. Rape as if it's non-consensual. 06:09 Yeah, no, we know what rape is. 06:10 People have safe words and stuff. Like, we've all read about it. We've all seen, most of us have seen Fifty Shades of Grey. Like, if two people are consenting, then what's the problem? 06:20 Because this lady said by her exact words, it made me feel very uncomfortable that this man that I love wants to tie me up and dominate me. Don't give out my name. She did say they'd take turns, but she's obviously not into it at all. 06:36 A listener says he was asked for my name nameless. A listener we both know. Don't give out my name, but myself and the wife do this sometimes. She loves to tie me up. She loves to be tied up, spanked, blindfolded, teased and edged. Sure, if you don't get on to this kind of stuff, your sex life must be born a shite. But I would be starting out with it, if you know what I mean. Love it, lads. And like as well, there's like you can choose how far to go on it. Do you know what I mean? You can you can dip the toe, so to speak, and give it a try. And if it's not for you, then, you know, and again, I'm not saying she has to try it or anything like, but I just don't know. 07:08 Like I've never been if I turn around to you now and said, I hate Japan. I hate Japan. It's a kip of a country. The people are really, really rude. I hate Japan off the top of my head. I don't hate Japanese people. I have no problem with Japanese people. 07:17 My answer to you would be, you've never been there. You've never tried it. You don't know. Exactly. I get the point that you're trying to make. 07:23 And why does everything have to be a red flag? If the red flag, like I said, would be him saying, well, I really want to do this. If you don't do it, I'm going to break up with you. Or, you know, oh, come on, do it. You know, don't be such a brute. 07:33 No, she did say he hasn't pressured her. 07:36 He hasn't pressured me at all. But now I'm wondering if I should be worried. Is this a red flag or am I overthinking it? I think it's a green flag. My thing is... This is only two years into their relationship. He's already bored with their sex life, yeah? What next? How far is he going to go? You know, is sadomasochism going to be next? Is that next? In other words, where does it end? 08:03 Does she have to completely surrender to him? 08:05 I don't know. I don't know where it ends. 08:07 Maybe if it doesn't start, it doesn't end anywhere. That's the point I'm trying to make. 08:11 She has said, it made me feel very uncomfortable to even be asked, can I tie you up and can I dominate you? 08:18 That would say that they're not sexually compatible. 08:20 But she felt that they were up to that point. And now she's got the ick and she's seeing red flags. 08:26 I just think that if you're comfortable with someone, you know, and it's someone you care about and they like you. 08:32 That's an awful pressure to put on somebody. 08:33 A lot of people comment, you obviously like chains and whips. Grow up. What are we, fucking 15? Seriously, I'm advocating for basically an open mind here. Do you know what I mean? It's... 08:44 It's more about her calling the guy a red flag and saying that he's dangerous. 08:49 No, she didn't say that. She said, when I told a couple of my friends, they said it's a huge red flag and that any man who's into that could be dangerous. She didn't say that. Her friends said that. Okay, so be clear about that. 09:04 But she says, he hasn't pressured me at all, but now I'm wondering if I should be worried. Is this a red flag or am I overthinking it? And your point is, no, it's not. a red flag. 09:15 Okay, it's not a red flag. What about, like, if you have something in place where she feels uncomfortable and she says, right, you know what, I'm going to give it a try. I've not done it before, but fuck it, I'll try it. Try anything once. 09:25 If you have, like, boundaries in place, if you have a point where, you know, you don't go past this point or a safe word or something like that. 09:33 Okay, but even just hearing things like a safe word, that literally implies that this is going into slightly dodgy territory. 09:41 If someone's uncomfortable... 09:43 Is it crossing a line? It probably is. But is that not the kink of it for some people? 09:47 Our number is 085-825-2626. If you would like to get involved and let us know, should she be worried? Should she run away? Or is Aoife being a little bit prudish and maybe she should go for it? 10:03 People texting in all jokes and stuff about the woman and stuff. Like, this is an adult conversation. If you can't have an adult conversation, don't be bothering to message in. Like, this isn't a joke. This is a woman's genuine thing. So, do you see the comments coming in? Fucking idiots. 10:18 This is Martin. I think Adrian is getting a little bit excited there. You know, it's hardly a red flag after two years. I mean, if it was after two months and he was like, I want to tie you up and all of this, then maybe, maybe a bit of a red flag. But I mean, maybe he just wants to feel comfortable with her. before he gets his kink out or whatever. I mean, I listen to some podcasts and you don't know what people are in some mad shit like consent, non-consent and all this sort of carry on. But after two years, that's certainly not a red flag. 10:51 I mean, maybe Adrian needs to spice up his sex life. 10:55 Opinions Matter. Opinions Matter. 10:56 With Adrian Kennedy and Jeremy Dixon. A daily podcast from Ireland about opinions. 11:02 Need new carpets, flooring, beds or furniture? Then head to Carpet Luxury Bedding and Furniture where great value comes as standard. Don't miss their famous 500 euro stairs and landing package deal covering up to 16 square yards of quality carpet supplied and fitted. Looking for a modern update? Check out their fantastic range of laminate flooring and vinyls available in a variety of styles to suit every home and budget. Expert advice, free measuring and years of trusted service. Carpet Luxury Bedding and Furniture has everything you need to refresh your home. Visit the showroom today or shop online at carpetluxurybeddingandfurniture.com Colm, you're on Opinions Matter. 11:36 How are you, Colm? I'm good, thanks, Adrian. Good to hear from you and Katie. Now, Colm, what does she want to say on this? Aoife is the lady who contacted us and she's a little bit concerned that after two years, her boyfriend is asking to try a bit of bondage, taking turns tying each other up and basically dominating each other. They were her words. 11:57 Well, my opinion is it's definitely not a red flag. Red flag is if someone is a compulsive gambler or if they don't disclose that they have a mental health issue, things like that. He's a young man. He's aroused by this woman and he wants to just take it one next step further. 12:17 And I just think she should can the jets and conversate and educate. You can go to the library and rent books, borrow books all about it and slowly ease your way into it. And I'm pretty sure this man would be happy to just talk about it for a period of time rather than just rush in. 12:34 OK, now, by the sounds of it, he did try to talk about it and she pretty much shut him down fairly promptly by the sounds of it. She says, I was really shocked that he even asked. It made me feel very uncomfortable and it's just not something I'd ever be into. So she obviously shot the conversation down fairly quickly. 12:54 The bigger concern here is that they are ultimately sexually incompatible. If he's looking for that now, then he's definitely going to be looking for five years down the line. It's like, you know, someone wants kids and the other person doesn't want kids. Do you know what I mean? It's something that's probably not going to change. And if she is doing it just to people... 13:09 But she thought they were sexually compatible until the last week. 13:13 But he wasn't going to turn around on their first date and say, here, love, I want bondage. 13:16 Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but you only get compatible through experience and... 13:23 Like, you know, it's trial and error. You know, this is what it's like to be young. You don't really know until you try. Then you don't. I feel bad on her because you feel pressured. It's 2026. 13:33 She did say he hasn't pressured me at all. But her friends were saying, oh, red flags here, red flags here. He wants to tie you up. That's a red flag. 13:44 I think the red flag thing is nuts. It would be a red flag if he was pressuring her. But a guy saying that he's basically saying I'm a bit kinky, here's what I like. I mean, he's being honest with her. Do you know what I mean? 13:53 He's opening up. He's opening up. And if he treats her well and he's a good guy outside of the bedroom, then I think, you know, I think it's I don't I don't think it's a bad thing, but I don't want to. It's all about the women now. You have to make sure the women are comfortable. Unless she's comfortable. 14:10 Sorry. No, you're all right. Alexia Brown is commenting on Facebook saying, I regret not coming on the show. Alexia, we've only just started the topic. So send us your number and we'll get you on. I'll get Amanda to buzz you. Sorry, Colm. Go on ahead there. What were you saying? 14:22 Well, no, I just want to find out if they're listening, I want to put both of them at ease. Calm down, educate and conversate. And you won't know until you go there and try. And it can be the smallest thing. It can be the blindfold for the first couple of times. And then you move slowly on, you know. 14:38 I think they should just be not so hard on themselves. 14:42 She's the one that feels kind of hard done by. She feels that he is bang out of order, that this just isn't something that... And I get the feeling that by implication, she's basically saying, if this guy knew me at all, he'd have never even asked for anything like this. 15:02 I, yeah, I understand. And I can't, I only have a male brain. I don't have a female brain. So it's hard enough for me to keep my own wife to be happy, to be honest with you. And are you not spicing things up? I know I'm bored. You know what I mean? I'm on the other side of the spectrum. I actually get given out to you that I don't put out enough. You know, I'd have a head. 15:24 I'm telling you the truth. I'd get given out to you, you know, but I have to be in the mood or, you know, so everybody's different. 15:31 The problem is, is that relationship, the relationship ultimately isn't going to last. 15:34 Because she won't allow him to tie her up and dominate her. Listen to what you're actually saying. The relationship is doomed to failure because he won't allow her to tie him up. 15:46 He obviously likes that kind of stuff and she obviously doesn't, so they're sexually incompatible. That's ultimately it. They have a different... 15:53 I could turn this on his head. I could turn this on his head. You're saying this is something that he's into. They're together two years. He should have told her ages ago. 16:02 Well, when they would then say, had he said to her a two months date in two or three months saying, this is my thing. 16:10 This is what I'm into. What about you? Then they could have gone there. 16:13 She probably would have liked it. He obviously wanted to be in a position where they were more comfortable because it's not the kind of thing you do with somebody that you're not comfortable with or you're not with a long time. 16:23 Ed, you're on Opinions Matter. How are you, Ed? Hi, guys. I'm good. Now, Ed, what do you want to say on this? 16:29 Yeah, okay. So, I mean, if it's something that they both don't agree on, yeah, I think they should really either talk it out or leave each other. That's a simple ask. Because, like, if you're not consenting to... If you're both not consenting to one thing that one of you at least likes, well, then it's not going to work. 16:47 And it hasn't because she said she was really shocked that he even asked. It made me feel very uncomfortable. So she obviously shut down the conversation straight away. That's what it sounds like anyway. 16:58 Yeah. I'm like, you know, she's right to do it. Like myself and my girlfriend, I don't pressurize her into things. And we kind of talk out like, you know, what. 17:06 I mean, that should go to say nobody should ever pressurize anybody into anything. Ever. 17:10 And to her credit, she does say, he hasn't pressured me at all. 17:15 I just don't know how somebody could say they don't like something. I'm not, what was it? Show me the printout. 17:21 What? I'm wondering, what do you want to say? 17:24 What was the line she said? She said, it's just not something I'd ever be into. Like, how can you know that? 17:31 Anyway, Ed, so she's not into it. He is. Katie is saying the relationship is doomed to failure. 17:38 No, I'm not saying, look, if you're happy enough that sex isn't going to be a big part of your relationship or whatever, then yeah, that's fine if you're more looking for... A buddy. But if you're looking for something more intimate and you're not on the same page, it's not going to work. I would say, anyway. If he's looking for this already, then he's still going to be wanting it in five or six years. 17:55 Okay, let me ask you, should she run for the hills? 17:58 Yeah, because if she's being pressurised, I mean... She's not being pressurised. Well, he still brings it up every now and again. So, you know, I mean, yeah, he might say, I'm not pressurising you. 18:10 I mean... Adrian's saying there, you know, oh, he must be bored. He must be bored. Like, okay, let's say every night of the week you're eating Italian food, right? Yeah? And then just one night you think, do you know what? I think I want to have a Chinese. Is there anything wrong with mixing it up? 18:26 No, but... After two years, he's already bored with their sex life, that he wants to try something new. 18:32 Maybe he's just a bit kinky. Well, who's to say he's bored? Maybe he's not bored and he just wants to cross the line a little bit. I just think, look, whatever people do, whatever they don't do, nobody cares. But to call the guy a red flag, that's... Well, she didn't again. 18:45 It was her friends. They said it's a huge red flag and that a man who's into that sort of thing could be dangerous. 18:51 Sounds like her friends are jealous. 18:53 Just saying. 18:54 Yeah, but I'll also mention somebody like Graeme Dwyer, who was into mad shit, but it started from... Hang on for one second, Katie. Graeme Dwyer would be on the extreme end of the scale, but that started with tying somebody up and being into a bit of bondage. 19:11 The difference with Graeme Dwyer here is Graeme Dwyer met this person on an app with the expectation that 19:16 And it was all about being a slave and being dominated and all of that. That's exactly what this guy's talking about. 19:21 This is a couple who are together, how long? Two years. Two years. 19:25 And he already wants to dominate her and for her to be his slave. That's where this leads. 19:30 Dave says maybe he's not bored and that's my thing. Maybe he just wants to add a bit of salt to the sauce. 19:36 It's the Opinions Matter podcast with Adrian Kennedy and Jeremy Dixon. A podcast from Ireland with a difference. 19:42 Lexi, you're on Opinions Matter. How are you? 19:45 Hi, how are you? 19:46 Good, thanks, Lexi. What did you want to say on this? 19:48 I just think I agree with yourself. I think it is a little bit of a red flag. I don't see anything wrong with wanting to spice up your sex life, but I do see it as a little bit of a red flag. If that's something that he was in, like, I am a firm believer when you enter a relationship, you should get all the nasty stuff off the table first. So then you there's no. 20:08 So they sit down for the first day and he says in two years time, I'm going to want to tie you up and slap you around the place. Well, that's what I'm saying. He should have made that very clear from the beginning. 20:18 Sorry? I feel like if that's what he wanted, he should have made that clear from the beginning. That's not the kind of thing you'd say, Alex. Not on the first date. Well, not on the first date, of course not. But they've been together for two years. There's been ample time and opportunity and space for him to express this to her. And only now he's bringing it up, which means something that... 20:38 I think her reaction was, you know... Say no and move on. It's that simple. Say no, not into it and move on. I think she's almost ridiculing him. I was shocked. I agree. But what happens now, Katie? 20:51 But what happens now if she says no and moves on from the situation and then he still has these desires and these urges that he's pushing down? You know what I mean? 21:02 Because then that becomes very harmful. 21:05 I agree with you, but that's why they're sexually incompatible. Yeah, I agree. It needs to be with somebody who's on the same page. 21:10 Katie, they're sexually incompatible because she won't give in to being tied up and dominated. 21:16 Look, I only agree because I come from, like what you said, you can't knock it till you try it, right? I only agree because I'm coming from a place of I've tried it and I promise it's really not all that. It leaves you feeling worthless. It leaves you feeling like... 21:31 Yeah, I've heard of it being degrading and stuff. It is. 21:36 But Casey, sorry, even the very definition of it is degrading. That is the whole idea behind dominating somebody. 21:45 But he's offering to have the same done to him. 21:47 So it's not that he's just... But wait, no, hang on. But being dominated by a woman and being dominated by a man are two completely different things. Men aren't afraid of women and men aren't made in history to submit to women ever. Like that has never happened in history. 22:06 You have to remember, though, Lexi, this would be consensual between two adults. But she doesn't consent. No, no, she doesn't. 22:14 She's been in a relationship with somebody who thinks this way. Her values don't align and I don't think that they should be together. I think her friends are right. She needs to leave. 22:25 Okay, but again, Lexi, one of the things you said at the start was he should have had the decency to tell her this after three months of a relationship, not two years. Yes. 22:36 It's not like telling her he has kids. No, 22:38 No, hang on for one second. 22:41 During the three months, the first three months is the honeymoon period. They were probably shouting like rabbits. Yeah, as you do. That was the ideal opportunity to say, by the way, do you know I'm really into a bit of kinky stuff? Would you be into it? 22:55 Maybe you're splitting hairs over something. No, we're not. 22:58 We're talking about two years down the line. And then this comes as a bolt out of the blue. But anyway, the point that you're trying to make, Lexi, is that it's not all that it's cracked up to be, essentially. 23:10 It's fine, but that doesn't mean he's a red flag. So it's not all it's cracked up to be. 23:15 You didn't enjoy it, you felt degraded. No, I don't necessarily think that he's a red flag, but I think that there's so much vile shit on social media that I don't know if you know what Euphoria is or if you've watched it. absolutely disgusting. They've got Sydney Sweeney pretending to be a dog. 23:33 And it's just, like, this is what we're running with these days. Like, people want women to roll over on their backs and act like dogs. And I'm not saying that he's a red flag. 23:43 And again, this is also the consumption of this. 23:45 No, no, no. He is a red flag. 23:47 flag. No, but the point that Lexi is making is, that's the start of it. The start of it is... That's where it starts. 23:54 And it's not his fault. 23:56 It's the shit that he's saying. My thing is, if you're in a comfortable relationship with someone, Lexi, though, it doesn't have to go any further than what you're comfortable with. 24:03 It doesn't. But that takes two very mature, very mature consent in adults. It's so hard. The lions get blurred so easily. It's really... 24:14 See, it's a slippery slope. 24:17 I'm listening to exactly what Lexi is saying, that this is just the start. 24:22 It starts with... Who says that this is just the start? Lexi's experience would tell you that's... I think you should try it, Katie. 24:29 I think you should probably try it and then come back in a year or two. 24:32 There's lots of couples who do this who don't go any further. I mean, you go on to the weird sites. Remember we did a topic on the weird swinger sites and all that, and people are doing all of the... 24:42 Yeah, there are experienced couples that swing and they do it professionally, appropriately, properly. 24:47 I just don't think it's fair to blast the guy because he has a fetish. No, I'm not trying to blast him. I'm not talking about most of the people on Facebook. 24:55 No, but what Lexi is saying is, okay, it might sound, you know, nice enough at this point. He's just saying, let's try a bit of tying up. But that's only the start. 25:06 But you don't know that. How do you know that? 25:08 No, we don't know that. But Lexi's experience would tell you that that is what can happen. 25:12 When you say that this guy's a red flag, which you said moments ago, do you believe that he's dangerous? No, I didn't say that. What's the red flag? I don't know. 25:22 The red flag is watch yourself, protect yourself. 25:25 So then you think he's dangerous? No, not necessarily dangerous. Telling somebody to watch themselves and protect themselves means that somebody has the potential to be dangerous, no? So you are saying he's... 25:34 Okay, what's next, Katie? Is it strangulation? Is it... I mean, that's all part of BDSM. 25:39 Obviously that wouldn't be okay. Obviously not, but I'd like to think that if somebody was going... 25:43 But Sarah, I don't know if you realise, Katie... 25:45 There's a lot of things that goes into BDSM. 25:47 There's waterboarding. Waterboarding. 25:50 I understand that, but each couple would decide how far is too far for them. I would think if you're in a relationship with somebody that you're comfortable with. 25:56 Okay, so in a year's time then, when he says, I'd love to strangle you, I'd like to put my hands around your throat, and she says no, then you're going to say, oh, they're not sexually compatible. Like, seriously. 26:07 No, no, that's right. You can't compare it to strangulation. Strangulation is different. You can't compare that. Okay, it might fall within some of this, but you can't compare this to an overall general fetish that the guy has. 26:17 One of the biggest porn kinks around at the moment is strangulation. 26:21 I know, and it's screwed up, but if two people are consenting adults and they're just having a bit of fun and it's all within healthy, safe perimeters, what is the problem? 26:30 That's the thing. This is where the problem comes in because no healthy person wants to be strangled while they're being. 26:36 Samantha Coyne says she's right. That's like someone's that's like saying everyone who smokes a joint will want a harder drug eventually. Some people can experience and be happy with that and want nothing more extreme. That's. Yeah, and I do agree with that. I'm not talking about you, Lexi. I'm talking about Adrian saying, where does it end? It'll be further next time. You don't know that. No, of course I don't know that. Of course I don't know that. 26:56 But okay, let me, as regards, this lady, definitely she shouldn't go anywhere near this because she's not comfortable even talking about it. No, she shouldn't. We'd actually agree on that. Yeah. She should move away from that relationship. 27:10 If you're not comfortable with something, you should never do it. 27:12 There's never a good enough reason to do something you're not comfortable with. What's your advice, Lexi, to this lady, Aoife, who just had the thought of it or the conversation about it, she's not comfortable with? 27:21 I think she has every right to feel that way. Are we talking about her friends that are trying to protect her? Or are we just talking about a lady that just made a comment? 27:31 No, it was her friends. A couple of friends said it's a huge red flag and that any man who's into that could be dangerous. 27:38 I don't think he's dangerous. I don't think he's dangerous. I agree with what Katie said. Like if you're two experienced consenting adults and you create a boundary and you put that boundary in place and you don't cross that, then that's completely OK and that is healthy. But where it doesn't become healthy is when lines get blurred, boundaries do get crossed. You start agreeing to things that you normally wouldn't say yes to and you start betraying yourself in the process. And that's where that's where it becomes dangerous. 28:07 And that's what happened to you. 28:09 I'm not going to say that. Well, I'm not going to say that that's what happened to you. I'm a big girl. I take care of myself really well. I've been in bad experiences. I've been in bad situations where I've been aware of what's happening, but nothing like, yeah, I just, I have my own experience with it. Yeah. 28:27 okay do me a favour stay there for a moment let me go to Lee you're on Opinions Matter how are you Lee well Lee what do you want to say on this should this lady run for the hills or I don't know hear the guy out 28:42 like I think the fact that he's vocal about it is a good thing because he could easily turn around and say nothing and just go behind our back so I think he's only sort of saying what he's like and it's her right to turn around and you know, saying, no, I'm not into that. 29:01 And she already has. She said, it made me feel uncomfortable. It's just not something I didn't mean to. 29:06 That's her right, and he needs to respect that. I just, for somebody who, like, it's not easy out there to date, and it's not easy to be yourself and say things. Sorry, just to say, like, 29:19 here's a message for not so much for you lee because you're kind of i think you're kind of on the fence as in you can see both sides adrian here's one for you because i've been on that fence where like you're afraid and you're holding yourself back you know this message just came in i'm not going to say the person's name uh first time ever texting the show so it's not something we know okay um Hey, don't use my name, but he's only asking to try it. I've done with my partner and there's lots of trust between us and we don't do it all the time. I agree with Katie. It's not a red flag. It's a fantasy. Everyone has them. There's a fine line between pleasure and pain. 29:50 Some people like biting during sex and it's like saying that that's a red flag too. Now that's somebody who's literally saying exactly what I said. There's trust. It's not crossing lines. It's two consenting adults. Is that a red flag? 30:02 No, not necessarily, but the fact of the matter is a lot of people believe, including this girl, Aoife, she says she was shocked and it made her feel very uncomfortable. So the mere notion, the mere thought of being tied up or being dominated has just freaked her out. 30:22 Then he's not the guy for her. 30:24 Can you understand why it might make her not feel comfortable? 30:27 Everybody has their things. As we said earlier in the show, I don't like ice cream. Everybody has their things. If it's not for her, it's not for her. You move on, you find somebody you're compatible with. Unless you're happy having a relationship where he probably is always going to want that in the background. And it's likely that that urge probably won't go away if he's looking for it now. 30:45 No, no, definitely. I agree with you on that. Sorry, Lee, what is your advice then to this lady, Aoife, who is listening to us now? 30:53 I don't want to say, oh, leave him or say anything like that to that extreme. But I tend to agree that, like, if it's something that he wants to try and she's absolutely outright, no, I'm not into a full stop. Part of me would say if I was in that situation, like, I'm not an expert. I'm single and I'm single a number of years. I just find it incredibly hard. to even be myself and say to somebody, oh, these are my weaknesses. And just when you're a caller there touched on mental health or illness and that's a red flag. 31:26 So I'm fucked. 31:27 you know what I mean so everyone has something and I think in this world of dating everyone has to be you know tick boxes and this round slash shit goes my head in to be honest because this guy is just being honest and I feel if they're not aligned in terms of you know how they love each other or whatever and all the rest of it so I tend to agree with Katie there in the sense that this is always probably going to be in the back of his head to want to try it 31:57 If you're going home with someone to basically sleep with them for the first time and they turn around and say, here, listen, here's what I'm thinking. Then you'd be like, here, this is a weirdo. Yeah, like two years. 32:07 After a year, I could have said it maybe. Two years is a long time. 32:11 I agree. I think if this is something that was in the back of his head since the day they ever met, he should have told her much earlier than this. 32:18 Yeah, but it was probably not in relation to this girl per se. That's the thing. This is probably something, like, he obviously feels connected to this girl. He obviously likes her a lot to be able to be brave enough to say it out loud. And unfortunately, she's not the one. She doesn't want to do it. And I'm being respectful to both parties here because I don't think either party is saying or doing nothing wrong. It's just they're not aligned in what they want. 32:47 Your two things are, one, he could have said it to her a bit earlier than two years into the relationship. 32:52 I feel like, yeah, because what, two years is it? Like a year is a long time, is it not? I get the honeymoon stage. But, like, to me, with a year. But in saying that, though, my ex-partner, he was like, oh, you know, it's a bit boring. And I felt like, oh, well, when did you feel like that? And, you know, I've never been in a position where someone's, like, said, okay, we could do X, Y, Z. 33:16 That's exactly my point. My point was, if he's already bored with their sex life after two years. He says he's bored. He obviously is. If he wasn't bored, then he wouldn't. 33:26 I just want to try something different. Maybe he thinks, you know, I really trust this girl. I really like this girl. I want to try something really different. Maybe he's never done it before. And this is just something he wants to try. 33:34 I think he trusts her, definitely. I think he trusts her to say it. Oh yeah, you wouldn't go saying that to somebody. 33:40 Okay, so what do you say then to this lady, Aoife? What should she do? She's asking for advice. She says, is this a red flag or am I overthinking it? Is she overthinking it? 33:51 I wouldn't go down the red flag route and get into that shit to begin with. And I know her friends mean well, but she can only decide herself. Because sometimes, even though your friends mean well, they can be, like, looking at her from the outside in the sense that, you know, she's on the inside and she has to decide for herself. Because I don't think personally it's a red flag if this is the only thing in two years that came up. I hate the word red flag. I think it's bullshit half of it. and I think people are expected to be nearly 100% picture perfect nearly, that you've got no issues, you've no past nothing. 34:27 You know, that way, like, I feel, Jesus, go easy. Everyone go easy on each other. Like, I don't say certain things because I know how I'm going to be perceived. I know it's going to go against me, and I shouldn't be afraid like that, but that's the reality. 34:41 All right, good to talk to you, Lee. Thanks very much indeed. 34:44 Angela, I'll be with you in just one second. 34:48 Opinions Matter. Opinions Matter. With Adrian Kennedy and Jeremy Dixon. A daily podcast from Ireland about opinions. 34:55 Jess, you're on Opinions Matter. How are you, Jess? Oh, I can see my lunch coming back up. How are you, Adrian and Katie? Good. What do you mean you can feel your lunch coming back up? What's wrong? 35:04 Oh, he needs help. He needs a psychiatrist. 35:07 He needs help. He needs a psychiatrist. 35:09 Oh, yeah. If you're into that kind of stuff, oh, yeah. 35:12 Are you being serious saying that, or are you saying that tongue-in-cheek? 35:16 Oh, I am. No, no, I am. Because why would you want to do that to someone? Why would you want to tie someone up in the bedroom? Why would you want to take someone's anatomy of their own body away from them in such an intimate sense? 35:26 Because it's a kink. That's what you said. Katie, it's a kink. Yeah? 35:32 Yeah. And where does it go? Because it's... 35:35 Yeah, where does it end? Because he'll still get bored of that. He'll want to amp it up a little bit more and there'll be no end to it. 35:42 Jessie, at what point was this made in any way insinuated by anything she said? Who's to say that it wouldn't have been done once and that's it? Get it out of the way. Experience it. Do it. Try it. 35:53 Why should you have to try it? 35:54 She shouldn't have to try it. Just to make him happy? No, but I don't think it was implied at any point in this conversation that she has to do it. I didn't hear that. 36:02 Did you? I think she has to turn around and be like, and why do you want to try that? 36:07 Because he's kinky and probably horny. 36:10 That's not a good enough reason. So you've never had something that you particularly fancy in the bedroom that you... No, call me vanilla now. Huh? 36:18 I think... I said call me vanilla now, but I wouldn't do all that. I wouldn't do all that. I just think it's weird. I think it's off-putting. I think you're a bit of a sexual genius. 36:26 This is so Irish. This is so Irish, like, you know... It's not Irish. It's so Irish. What is wrong with the bit of excitement? 36:32 It's not Irish. You're only sort of saying it's Catholic guilt or something. 36:37 What do you say then to this message? What is wrong with some excitement in your intimacy? 36:44 Yeah, there's different ways of getting it without, you know, having to hog toy someone like they're a pig on the spit. 36:49 I don't think that's what he was talking about. 36:51 I'm sorry. If you need ropes and all this shit, I'm sorry. 36:56 You're sick. Okay. That's just, I'm sorry, Jess. You know I love you. Okay. You know I do. No, you don't. You know I do. But I, that's a very juvenile way to look at it. It's a very close-minded juvenile way to look at it. Yeah. 37:11 I've had many experiences over my 10 years of being active. And I tell you what, no way in hell would I do all that. Because I'm not giving up my own control of my own body. Absolutely. And that's your prerogative. That is absolutely your prerogative. And you're right. 37:24 But that doesn't mean he's sick. 37:27 No, no. Take that a stage further. Jess believes that somebody who wants to do that to somebody is a bit off. 37:34 But if somebody wants to consent... And I think if you want to give up control of your own body, I think you're weird as well. 37:38 But if two people, if a couple get turned on by it and they're not harming anybody, why does that make them sick? 37:45 I just think you're not right in the head if you like that kind of thing. And it goes both ways. Whether you want to be the one doing it or have this being done to you, I'm sorry, I don't think it's a very childish way to look at it when two people are in an adult relationship. Because I don't think anyone should give up their own autonomy? No, no. 38:01 No, no, not at all. Because that's what he's asking for. That's what he's asking for. But he's asking her to do the same. He basically wants her to give up control and autonomy. He's asking. He's asking if she'd be open to him. 38:10 Okay, Jess, what would you say to this message from Samantha just came in a second ago? Jess, why don't you try a blindfold? You might be surprised. 38:18 No. You wouldn't even go blindfold? No, no. 38:22 Do you think that's a bit weird? 38:23 Why would I want to give up control of my own senses? 38:27 I like my senses. I like my own control. I like my own autonomy. Why should I give that up for someone for their kicks? 38:32 What you do or don't do in the bedroom is your choice. Absolutely. But to call people sick for engaging in consensual sex... 38:41 Oh, but people say I'm weird and boring because I don't like it. So it should go both ways. If people are going to shame me because I don't like it. A lot of people are... No, I don't think it's fair to say you're weird and boring. Everybody has said I wouldn't call you weird and boring. If people are going to call me boring, why can I not go the other way and say I'm weird? I wouldn't call you boring for having your own preference. I just wouldn't call you boring. You don't have to feel comfortable with something. 39:00 Katie, everyone's slighting me, right? Everyone's slighting me because I think it's a bit weird. I think it's a bit off. But it's okay then for everyone to say, oh, you're boring, you're weird because you don't like it. Sorry, Louise Beatty on Facebook. 39:09 Can you send your number, Louise, please, so we can actually call you. Sorry, no, Jess, I just think that it's a juvenile outlook to brand someone's fetish as being sick. 39:21 Who's a juvenile? 39:22 Because it's childish. You know, there's a big bad world out there and people like different things, you know, and not everybody's going to like everything and that's okay. But I don't think you should call people weirdos or sickos because they have a sexual fetish. 39:34 It's just, it's a very childish way to look at it. If you don't want to do it, don't do it. I think we should normalise kink shaming. I think we should start normalising that. normalise kink shaming. 39:45 So you don't have... 39:46 I think we should start normalising it. 39:48 Just listen to what she said. That we should normalise kink shaming, right? That's a reasonable thing for her to say. The point that was made earlier on by... Katie, there are weirdos out there. 39:59 Hang on, Adrian. There's weirdos out there, Katie. I swear to God, I've seen them. No, I know there are. I know there are weirdos. There's people out there who like rape role play. 40:05 Do you know how sick in the head you have to be to like that? Oh, I understand your point. I do. I get what you're saying. But if somebody is consenting and enjoying it and it's pleasurable, then who the fuck cares? Once it's not forced or coerced. If someone's been forced or coerced into it, then it's a different problem. But I think sometimes, Jess, and I've said this to you before, sometimes on topics you can be very tunnel vision. There's nothing outside what you see. It's too black and white. 40:33 In your opinion, Katie... Even though I've had 10 years of experience. 40:40 And going back to Aoife, it was just too much for her. She is happy with the regular sex life. She didn't need or want anything more than that. And she just thinks that there's something a bit... 40:54 Okay, if a couple are happy, they're doing their own thing. They're not bothering anyone. They're behind the bedroom, the confines of the bedroom walls. Who cares? Who cares? Okay, let me bring in... Jess, I really have to say, like, how old are you now? I'm 27. 41:13 You sound like a 16-year-old. Meaning what? It's just not being able to open your mind. Yeah, I'm sorry. I think your outlook on it is juvenile. Oh, I'm sorry, Katie. Hang on for one second. 41:26 Hang on for one second. 41:28 I'm used to Jeremy talking down to me, but this is a whole other level. 41:31 You're basically saying to just open your mind up and think that it might be okay to be tied up or be dominated. 41:41 Listen to what you're saying to her though. I'm not finishing this broadcast if you put stupid words in my mouth again. That's not what I said to her. I said open your mind to the fact that people can like that stuff and it doesn't mean they're sickos. 41:52 In her opinion, she thinks it's very freaky. 41:55 I'd say there's a whole lot of weirder shit going on that, you know, people are completely... Oh, there is, but where does it start, Katie? But where does it start? Sorry, Angela, we're going to go to you now. Angela's on the other line. Oh, Angela, come on. 42:08 She can hold her horses. 42:10 Well, let me bring her in. Angela, you're on Opinions Matter. How are you? 42:13 Jesus, I'm absolutely shocked that people who are a little bit kinky, according to Jess, should get healthy. Why? Because, like, this girl, Aoife, if she's not into it, like, who's not to say that the boyfriend, what age is he? Do we know what age he is? No, actually. Who's not to say that in the past couple of months? He's seen things listened to things heard things and went you know what I think that might be a bit of fun. 42:46 And I said it's a big green flag. 42:49 But Angela, he trusted her. Jess, hold on. He has trusted her enough to sit down and have an adult conversation about a kink. What is the big deal? If she's not into it, she's not into it. You have a conversation. But what she's done now is she's gone and listened to all her friends. And all her friends are basically going, dump the guy. And plus, this is all escalated into that. He's the next Graham Dwyer. Graham Dwyer wasn't kinky. 43:23 He wasn't even fetish. He's a complete psychopath. who wanted to stab women while he was having sex with them. He wanted to kill them while he was having sex with them. It started off like that with him and Elaine O'Hara. It didn't build up to it. That's what he told every single person that he was in contact with. I was at the case. Okay? So sitting down and having a conversation about, oh, maybe you tie me up, I tie you up. 43:55 Where do you go to he wants to stab her and kill her during sex? Where did I say that? Did I say that? 44:02 No, you didn't. No, you said that they need therapy. 44:05 You said people like that need therapy. Yeah, I think they need therapy. Yeah, I do. I watched. because i think it's a bit odd and i said it before it doesn't matter if you're the one doing it or you want it done to you i think it's a little bit weird and i don't think you're all there in the head oh my god no it's just it's a bit of fun that's all yeah giving up giving up control of your your own autonomy yeah that sounds like great fun what's this giving up control where are you going with your giving up control isn't it it's 44:35 You are more in control of your body because you are letting somebody else go near you. You're not in control. No, you're not. You're not in control if they're there tying you to every post. How the fuck are you in control? Because, Jess, if you think that that's what it is, then you really need to... 44:56 Okay, the worry here, hang on Angela, the worry here that some people have, including obviously Aoife and her friends, is that this is just the start. And I don't know if you're aware, but some of the extreme porn that is out there. Starts at this thin end of bondage and ends up with, and I mentioned this already, one of the most watched types of pornography now is choking. A man choking a woman during sex for sexual gratification. 45:26 Yeah, I know. It's on Garnation Street at the moment. There you go. Okay, so... About teenagers doing it. Yeah, and the teenagers are doing it because they're seeing it online. Now, my question to you is, can you not understand why Aoife or Aoife's friends, because they're the ones that had the issue of it, see this tying her up and dominating her as just the start? 45:52 No, I don't understand why her friends are basically going, that's a red flag, get rid of it. Because the guy is being honest. Because the guy has trusted her with some of his most intimate feelings. Angela, that's what I said. 46:07 I actually find in a massive green flag that he was honest with her. He's not pressuring her. He's being so honest with her. 46:13 He asked her, would you be up for this? No, I wouldn't. Okay, fine. 46:19 OK, but the point that Katie made was it's probably time for her to move on anyway, because if he wants it now, he's not going to not want it anymore. Do you know what I mean? 46:28 Well, listen, if that's the way it is, then get rid of him. But I certainly would not dumb someone if they turned around and suggested something to me that I wasn't comfortable with. He's asking her a question. He's trying to have an adult conversation. And by the sounds of it, she's gone along giggling with her friends about it like. 46:51 What is your message to this lady, Aoife? 46:55 I would turn around him and say, listen, it's something that I'm not comfortable with. 47:01 And it's nothing that I desire to do. And if that's OK with you, then we won't do it. There it is. It's easily. I actually don't know why she's gone to all her friends in total shock. Go, OK, well, women do that anyway. So that's probably why she did it. But it's like. Just have a conversation. He's trusted you. 47:22 You trust him. Trust him back. And when you say trust him back, do you mean trust him and let him try it? No. Trust him and say you're not into it. She did already. 47:32 And what did he say? 47:34 It's been left with that. She said, well, actually, she didn't say if she actually said it to him. She said, I was really shocked when he asked. He has to have seen that in her face. It made me very uncomfortable and it's just not something I'd ever be into. I don't know if she actually said that to him. I don't know if that was her answer. 47:50 I'd imagine she's probably told him it's not her thing. 47:52 Yeah. 47:53 You're not going to be like, oh, well, we'll see. You're going to be on. If you're that against something, you're going to be honest from the get go about it. 47:59 Okay, stay there for a second. I want to just bring in one final call on this, and that's you, Laurie. You're on Opinions Matter. How are you? Hello, Laurie. 48:07 Hi, Laurie. Yeah, I'm actually late into the topic. It's an interesting topic, but I don't see it as a red flag. As I was saying in the comments, everybody has their own desires. If she's not into it, if she's not into it, that's okay. What I don't agree with is what Jess is saying, that people that are into the teensy stuff because they're weird and they need help type of stuff. Everybody has their own preferences. Everybody has their own ways of getting turned on. And that's normal. That's natural. There's nothing wrong with that. 48:38 Whatever you do in the bedroom, that's your own personal business. As you know, with like adult shops, they have certain items that you can use in the bedroom. There's no embarrassment or shame to talk about. It's something that adults do. Yeah, that's pretty it. I have just no red flag in what 48:53 he's asking her to do he's able to open up about it okay so when she was asked about this it made her feel uncomfortable it's not something that she'd be into do you believe as many people have said that they're obviously sexually incompatible and she needs to get away 49:12 Well, if she's not into it, she's not into it. 49:16 Having said that, I don't think she's ever tried it, so I don't know if she knows that she's into it or not. 49:20 Yeah, well, if she's not into it, I think the next thing is not to force her into it. The other type of thing, if she wants to, do it later on. Yeah. 49:33 Oh, sorry, we're losing you there. Are you there? Yeah, I'm there. Oh, sorry. Okay, so you're... Are you saying to her then, have an open mind? Yeah. 49:44 I didn't hear the whole conversation, sorry. I was literally only up like 20 or 25 minutes, so I didn't hear the full conversation from the start. 49:53 Okay, but basically your boyfriend after two years has said to her he'd like to try bondage, taking turns tying each other and dominating each other. Are you saying have an open mind? 50:03 As I said, she's not into it, but you said that she spoke to her friends, didn't you? And then they're saying that he's a red flag. 50:12 The friends said that's a huge red flag, and any man who is into that could be dangerous. 50:17 Imagine betraying his trust like that. He comes to you and he tells you something personal like that. Go back and tell your friends. That's stuff that you personally talk to your parents about. That's the red flag. Don't tell your mates that when he tells you something honestly. 50:37 I agree with you on that one. We'd agree on that. Let me bring in Patricia on this. 50:42 Hi, guys. How are you? Great topic today. Interesting topic, actually. 50:47 I believe that, well, just by the comments and some of the callers on there, I just believe that things are being taken out of proportion. I think after two years, you should really know somebody. And I think it probably took him time to build up that, you know, level of trust with her and him to talk about something like this. So I wouldn't see that as a red flag, actually talking about it after two years. It's, you know what I mean? They might have, you know, wanted to build up their trust in their relationship. So I think after two years, it's ideal, actually. Maybe they want to, like, he wants to try something new with her and stuff like that. 51:20 So I don't see it as a huge big deal. Obviously, if the girl feels uncomfortable with it and she's not happy with it, well, then that's something that they need to talk about. You know, I'd consider them in a long term relationship, so it's something that they can talk about. You know, people have their kinks, people have their fetishes. Some of them are extreme and bordering on, you know, like, OK, red flags all over the place. Others, it's not. It's just a little... 51:44 fantasy type thing that just someone just wants to maybe try once or twice like it's you know what I mean um but fundamentally I think the two of them just need to have a chat about it I mean two years is a long time to be with somebody you know I mean it's not you know they're not six months they're two years into a relationship I think from the guy's point of view it probably took him that time to you know to really trust her and love her and all the rest and on her too so he feels comfortable now but bringing it up obviously if she's not comfortable with something well then that's it do you know that's all right but i think they should talk it through and and then you know see where they come come from there you know like they said don't knock until you try it depending what he's into and stuff like that like waterboarding strangulation all that shit no but you might just be into you know a little bit of smacking a little bit whatever smacking the bone whatever who knows surely but fucking hell like 52:35 the commons are mental like is that you know what i mean it's It reminds me of fucking 1970s Ireland, like prudish much. 52:42 Talk about it, you know, talk about it and see what's happening. That's it. 52:46 All right, Patricia, thanks very much indeed. And a final message. Now it's long, but it's very, very interesting. This is Jay. 52:54 Hi there, lads. Just a quick one. 52:57 Me and my missus there, the wife, are at this game now. The last 20 years, I'd say, give or take. I was previously on your show regarding our lifestyle being swinging and going back to the whole thing with Cardiff or Garda, if you remember correctly, when it was in the papers and this, that, and the other. But anyway, I just want to give my little two cents in in the whole bondage thing and dominance and stuff like that. Yes, we've only gotten into that in the last 10 years rather than the 20 years in swinging. 53:31 And we enjoy it. We know our limits, our boundaries. And how we got into it was we actually attended an event in Dublin. 53:43 um in a club and basically there wasn't it was just kind of like the same kind of people that um went into it and some had more um experience and it was good to mingle with them and find out how to do it properly for starters and not go straight into pain and that was a big one um but Was it a red flag for us? 54:08 Not really. Like, even going back to when we first signed up to the swinging thing, it wasn't a red flag. As I said, we're 20 years in. 54:19 And now she proper loves it rough. Same can be said with me. 54:26 You know, I like her being dominant towards me with the swinging, the whole thing with swinging. Yeah. But I think what she should do is sit down with him, maybe watch a movie or two, you know. And even if they do try it, he probably wouldn't be into it. You know what I mean? The tables could properly turn here. 54:47 And that's just being honest. But I just think that you should sit down and ask him what exactly he's into, what he'd want. 54:57 Maybe watch a film. You know, there's plenty out there on the sites, on, you know, particular sites. It doesn't have to be a pure extreme, you know, with the way people are going on there in the comments and some of the callers. It's not all about extreme stuff, you know. We're just into the light stuff as much as just the medium stuff, you know. As I said, there is couples out there. In the swing and seeing that, like, really, like, a rough, like, you know what I mean? That's not her game, you know? Bit of flogging here, tying up there, you know? 55:27 She likes to hand around the throat, that type of thing, but we still know her limits, you know what I mean? And, yeah, the red flag thing, that needs to go in that situation. Like, two years in... 55:38 He's kind of mentioning it. Yeah, I don't find that a red flag at all. What I would find is a red flag as early on. No, that's being honest with you. That's just my two cents in it. 55:48 And yeah, that's me from Steve. Have a good day, folks. All right, Steve. Thank you very much indeed for your message. I do actually remember talking to... Steve, on a previous program. Thank you very much indeed. Very interesting. And basically, he's more or less saying you can be into it. It can be perfectly safe. It might seem weird to other people, but it's our thing, basically. We have to get him on. Yeah, and I do remember speaking to him on a previous episode. Anyway, thank you very much indeed for your message. And thank all of you for your honesty and openness on this conversation. 56:21 As for Aoife... I think the general consensus is that your relationship with this fella after two years maybe is on... You're on opposite paths and you need to stay going on opposite paths and end the relationship, basically. 56:37 Why continue something when you're on different pages? There's no point. There's just no point because ultimately it's going to come down to the same thing. It will come back. It might not come back now, but it'll come back a year, two years, three years down the line. And then you have big problems because then you're in deep. So... 56:53 Thank you for listening to this latest Opinions Matter podcast with Adrian and Katie. Please hit subscribe or follow. Click on the bell icon and you'll be notified of our next episode. 57:18 And if you're considering a bigger makeover, explore their great value laminate flooring and vinyl ranges. Perfect for busy family homes. Friendly service, expert fitting, and unbeatable value. That's Carpet Luxury Bedding & Furniture. Visit the showroom or learn more at carpetluxurybeddingandfurniture.com.