You, Me and the Family Tree - A Family Constellation Podcast

Episode 27: Victimhood: What Happened to Us and What We Carry with Bertold Ulsamer Once again, I'm thrilled to sit down with Bertold Ulsamer, whose presence always reminds me to drop into my body. This time, we explore victimhood — the difference between being a victim of something that happened to us and living with the feeling of being a victim. What about the things that didn't happen to us? The love, attention, or protection we needed but didn't receive? We talk about anger, blame, responsibility, childhood wounds, and what we may carry from previous generations. Bertold also shares why we shouldn't rush into forgiveness and why remembering the past isn't always necessary to move forward. And we get to experience something special: a spontaneous demonstration of Bertold's work with inner imaging, offering a glimpse into his gentle, curious way of exploring what is present. How can we acknowledge what happened to us while also turning toward life? This episode marks one year of You, Me & the Family Tree!…

Episode 26: The Ordinary Miraculous: A Systemic View on Pregnancy with Suzi Tucker Pregnancy is such an ordinary human experience, it happens every day, all over the world and at the same time, it is miraculous. Every baby changes the family and the world into which they are born. In this episode, Suzi Tucker and I explore pregnancy through a systemic lens, what a baby may already be learning in the womb, welcoming a child into the circumstances that are, and birth as the beginning of releasing our children into their own lives. We move through pregnancy and birth, expectations and what actually happens, loss, motherhood, and the many different ways a child enters the world. We also turn our attention to the mother. Once the baby arrives, naturally, everyone turns toward the baby. But who is looking at the mother? Perhaps this conversation is also an invitation to notice the pregnant women and new mothers around us — to ask what they need, offer a hand, or simply be there. And through it all, we return to…

Episode 25: The Business of Family Constellations with Leslie Nipps We spend a lot of time learning how to facilitate Family Constellations, but what happens when we want to make this work our profession? In this episode, I sit down with Leslie Nipps, a longtime Family Constellations facilitator and trainer. I took basic Family Constellations training with Leslie in 2020, so I was especially curious to hear about her own journey of building a practice and making a living from this work. We talk about what it really takes to build a Family Constellations practice — finding clients, communicating the work in ordinary human language, finding your niche, getting business support, continuing to grow professionally, and developing the resilience to keep going when things don’t work. As Leslie says, building a business is “a marathon, not a sprint.” We also explore how a practice doesn’t necessarily develop in a straight line. We learn by doing, trying, adjusting, and discovering along the way what kind of…

Episode 24: Freedom and Contribution — Taking Our Place in Life with Suzi Tucker What does it mean to be free? And once we experience more freedom, what do we do with it? In this conversation, Suzi Tucker and I explore the connection between freedom and contribution through the lens of Family Constellations. We talk about Hellinger’s distinction between freedom from and freedom to—freedom from the constraints of the past, and freedom to turn toward the future and create something new. From there, we explore contribution: Does it need to be visible or significant? Who are we contributing to? And what changes when we think of contribution not as achievement, but as something we offer to life? Our conversation also moves through belonging, taking our place, the freedom to say no, and moving toward the future without having to replicate the past. As Suzi says: “Life will go on without you, but it benefits from your contribution.” What do freedom and contribution mean to you? About Suzi Tucker Suzi Tucker is a…

Episode 23: Back to the Foundations — The Essentials of Family Constellations with Suzi Tucker I began this conversation thinking about weaving—something I’ve been doing lately with leaves and willow. As I was weaving, I found myself thinking about basics and movement, and wondering about the connection to Family Constellations. It made me want to return to the foundations: What are the essential ideas we come back to, even after years of learning and facilitating? Suzi brought the image of weaving back into the work in a way I loved: as facilitators, we are also weavers, bringing together the threads a person carries with the threads of those who came before them. In this conversation, Suzi Tucker and I explore some of the foundations of Family Constellations and what they mean in practice: • Looking for the metaphor beneath a client’s question • The “kitchen table” and what we inherit from our family of origin • Parents give and children take • Everyone belongs • The balance of giving and taking • What it…

Episode 22: Our Relationship with Money — with Ingala Robl What is our relationship with money—and how much of it is shaped by the families and systems we come from? In this conversation, I sit down with Family Constellations teacher and trainer Ingala Robl to explore money through a systemic lens. The inspiration for this episode began at Ghost Ranch, where I participated in an exercise Ingala offered on the spirituality of money. The exercise invited us to look at receiving money together with the work, effort, and family values behind it—and it left me with many questions. Why can receiving money be so difficult, particularly for therapists and people in helping professions? What do we learn about money from our parents and grandparents? And what happens when money becomes a topic between couples? We explore: • The beliefs about money we absorb as children • Why helping professionals may struggle to charge and receive • Money, work, pleasure, and rest • Mother, father, and prosperity from a Family…

Everything Is Alive — A Conversation on Shamanism with Shavasti What is shamanism? In this conversation, Shavasti and I explore shamanism and the many experiences that have shaped Shavasti's understanding of it. Growing up between cultures and languages, Shavasti has spent decades exploring ancestral wisdom, indigenous traditions, and the ways different cultures understand our relationship with the living world. As our conversation unfolds, he shares his understanding of shamanism—not primarily as a set of practices, but as a way of seeing the world, where everything is alive and everything exists in relationship. One idea that especially stayed with me was Shavasti's invitation to see ourselves not as separate from the world around us, but as part of a living web of relationships—with people, animals, plants, places, and the land itself. In this conversation, we explore: • What shamanism means from Shavasti's perspective • Living between cultures and how it shaped his worldview • History, ancestry, and the…

Episode 20: Meeting Unexpected Death — A Family Constellation Perspective with Suzi Tucker How do we meet death when it arrives unexpectedly? This conversation was inspired by the recent loss of my dear friend, a beloved member of my community, whose life, wisdom, and presence continue to touch many people. In this conversation, Suzi Tucker and I explore grief, loss, and the questions that emerge when someone we love dies sooner than we imagined. Drawing from a Family Constellation perspective, we talk about the shock of loss, the future we imagined with those we love, the role of ancestors, and the ways people continue to influence us even after they are gone. An idea that stayed with me after our conversation ended is that those who die move from standing in front of us as teachers and guides to standing behind us as part of our life force. Together we explore: • Unexpected death and the shock of loss • The space grief needs • Ancestors, life force, and legacy • Losing someone recently versus carrying a…

Episode 19: Please Just Hold Me — A Conversation on Family Constellations and Healing with Shavasti What do clients really want? Beneath the stories, symptoms, and questions people bring to a session, is there a deeper longing? In this conversation, Shavasti shares his view that beneath many of the concerns clients bring lives a deeper request: "Please just hold me." Together we explore what it means to be held—not fixed or changed, but deeply met in our humanity. We talk about healing sentences, love as an invitation, the role of the facilitator, and what becomes possible when we no longer have to hold everything alone. Two powerful images stayed with me long after our conversation ended: being held and falling on the sword of truth—allowing life as it is to touch and open the heart. I hope you enjoy the conversation. © 2026 You, Me & the Family Tree Podcast. All rights reserved.

Episode 18: Working with Large Groups in Family Constellation Work — with Bertold Ulsamer What changes when we move from working with individuals or small groups to facilitating a room full of people? In this conversation, Bertold Ulsamer shares reflections and practical wisdom from decades of facilitating Family Constellations in groups ranging from intimate circles to audiences of hundreds and even thousands. Together, we explore: • Preparing yourself before entering a large group • Working with nervousness and performance anxiety • Creating connection and engagement in larger groups • Working with difficult participants and strong group dynamics • The role of silence and spaciousness in facilitation • Respecting your own limits as a facilitator • The difference between seeking approval and serving the work • Why large groups may awaken old dynamics around attention, being seen, and our relationship with the mother One idea I especially appreciated was Bertold's suggestion that what we need as facilitators…

Episode 17: Adolescence — Standing Behind Our Children as They Grow with Suzi Tucker What does it mean to support our children without holding them back? In this conversation, Suzi Tucker and I explore adolescence as a bridge between childhood and adulthood—a time of experimentation, uncertainty, belonging, and becoming. We talk about growth as a messy and often "sloppy" process, the challenge of allowing our children to discover their own strengths and capacities, the search for belonging, and why we don't need to fully understand our adolescents in order to love them. As a mother of three teenagers, I really appreciate this conversation. Not easy to apply, but who said life is easy. I especially value the reminder that we don't need to fully understand our children in order to love them, trust them, and stand behind them as they grow. Connect with Suzi Tucker: www.suzitucker.com Connect with Iris Shaham: www.irisconstellations.com © 2026 You, Me & the Family Tree. All rights reserved.

Episode 16: Menopause — A Movement Toward Freedom with Suzi Tucker Menopause is a subject very close to my heart. As a woman in my fifties, I find myself living the questions that menopause brings— through the body, emotions, relationships, identity, and the changing sense of self that can emerge during this stage of life. In this conversation, I’m joined again by the wonderful Suzi Tucker—an international Family Constellations teacher, writer, and public speaker . Together, we explore menopause, a change in life. We speak about: – Menopause as a threshold and a “change of life” – Aging, visibility, beauty, and the female body – Symptoms, hot flashes, mood changes, and the nervous system – Freedom, creativity, and contribution later in life – The idea of “befriending” our symptoms rather than fighting them – Lineage and generations in Family Constellations work Toward the end of the conversation, I ask Suzi: What is a good sentence for a woman in this stage of life to say to herself while looking in the…

Episode 15: Sitting by the River — On Time and Timing with Suzi Tucker To be in accord with time—what does it mean? In this spacious conversation with Suzi Tucker—a teacher, writer, and long-time voice in the field of Family Constellations—we explore the concept of time and timing. We speak about: – The feeling of not enough time vs. the possibility of plenty – Letting time hold us, instead of trying to hold it – Timing as attunement—especially in working with others – The importance, in constellation work, of establishing with the client a sense that we have all the time in the world Synchronicity also comes in— a quiet mystery I don’t fully understand, but trust. What is your relationship with time? Do you feel in accord with it— or is there not enough… or maybe plenty? Connect with Suzi Tucker: https://www.suzitucker.com Connect with Iris Shaham: https://www.irisconstellations.com © 2025 You, Me & the Family Tree. All rights reserved.

Episode 14: Supervision in Constellation Work — with Bill Mannle What happens when, as facilitators, we don’t know what to do? In this conversation, I’m sitting with Bill Mannle—a psychotherapist and international Family Constellations facilitator who integrates Gestalt, Family Constellations, and attachment theory in his work. We explore supervision—not as correction, but as a place where the facilitator is held. Bill shares how he came into constellation work, who he learned from, and how his path unfolded. We speak about what supervision means to him, how he offers it, and what he listens for. We also touch on the language of the body, and how much can be seen when we learn to pay attention. For me, this is a really important topic. Unlike other methods where supervision is required, here we choose it—and I believe it is crucial. We speak about: – Not knowing – The inner world of the facilitator – Blind spots – Doing our own work A question I’m still sitting with: What is it that we are really asking for…

Episode 13: Rituals in Family Constellations with Bill Mannle What is a ritual—and when does it actually help in Family Constellation work? In this conversation, I’m joined by Bill Mannle. Bill is a psychotherapist and international Family Constellations facilitator. He integrates Gestalt, attachment theory, and systemic work in a grounded and experiential way. We begin with a simple question—what is a ritual?—and from there, something deeper unfolds. We speak about the difference between ritual and habit, how rituals help settle the body and bring people into the room, and why they can be especially supportive when working with trauma. We also explore the role of structure—beginning, middle, and end—and how this can create safety, while keeping the client in charge of their own process. Bill shares examples from his work, including the interrupted reaching movement, a “coming home” process with the younger self, and how he approaches work when there is deep trauma. This is a grounded conversation about…

Episode 12: The Art of Evocative Questions with Suzi Tucker What if a question is not meant to give an answer—but to open a door? In this conversation with Suzi Tucker, we explore the art of evocative questions and the power of a good question. Suzi is a teacher, writer, and long-time voice in the field of Family Constellations, and she shares how she approaches her work as a collaboration, where the client is the guide. We speak about listening, timing, and what it means to ask from what is already present rather than from assumption or interpretation. We also touch on some of the unique questions Suzi brings into her work, like: Who sits with you at the kitchen table?, one word for your mother or father, and how old are you?—questions that don’t push for answers, but open something. Toward the end, we bring this into everyday life —how we ask our children about their day, and what helps a real connection happen. After our conversation, Suzi shared this quote from her upcoming book, Take Every Step: A Work…

Episode 11: Primary and Secondary Emotions with Suzi Tucker Suzi Tucker reminds us that we are complex human beings, yet emotions are often simplified, judged, or silenced. In this episode, she explores primary emotions—those that naturally flow through us—and secondary emotions, the patterns that get stuck, circle back, or weigh us down. We also touch on the importance of letting children express their feelings, emotions in women’s cycles, and the appearance of depression. This conversation invites awareness, reflection, and holding space for yourself and others. When emotions keep repeating, it’s often a secondary feeling inviting attention. Such an important conversation! Feel free to share what came up in you. Connect with Suzi Tucker: https://www.suzitucker.com Connect with Iris Shaham: https://www.irisconstellations.com © 2025 You, Me, and the Family Tree #PrimaryEmotions #SecondaryEmotions #EmotionalAwareness #FamilyConstellations #SuziTucker #PersonalGrowth #IrisShaham #Depression

Episode 10: The Knowing Field with Bertold Ulsamer What is the Knowing Field — and how do we stay grounded in the presence of something we cannot fully understand? In this final episode of our five-part series with Bertold Ulsamer—author, teacher, and direct student of Bert Hellinger—we explore one of the most intriguing aspects of constellation work. Bertold reflects on why he still calls it a mystery, as Bert Hellinger did, and how the term “Knowing Field,” later introduced by Albrecht Mahr, gives language to something many facilitators experience but cannot fully explain. We dive into questions like: Is this field inside us or outside us? Do we use it—or does it use us? Toward the end, Bertold shares a powerful reflection on searching and longing: when we search for answers, teachers, or even gurus, what are we really seeking? Knowledge—or it is actually deeper longing, connected to our parents? This conversation is for therapists, facilitators, and anyone curious about what moves beyond the personal in…

Episode 9: When the Facilitator Feels Lonely with Bertold Ulsamer Part four of a special five-part series with Bertold Ulsamer—author, teacher, and elder in the field of Family Constellations, and a direct student of Bert Hellinger. This episode speaks to anyone who holds space for others—therapists, facilitators, teachers, guides, and helping professionals. Together, we explore the loneliness that can arise from the role, the risk of burnout, and what supports us in staying grounded, human, and present in the work. Bertold and I reflect on the inner life of the facilitator, the roots of these challenges, and how doing our own work helps us stay resilient while holding space for others. This is one of my favorite conversations, and I warmly recommend it to anyone engaged in relational, therapeutic, or facilitation work. Guest: Bertold Ulsamer Host: Iris Shaham Bertold Ulsamer Website: https://www.ulsamer.com/startseite/ Email: bertold.ulsamer@t-online.de 2026 International Seminar (Bucharest) Men and Women –…

Episode 8: Professional Success, Money & the Family Tree with Bertold Ulsamer Have you ever wondered how much of your professional success—and your relationship with money—comes from your family system? In this episode, I’m joined by Bertold Ulsamer, author, teacher, elder in the field of Family Constellations, and a direct student of Bert Hellinger, for part three of our five-part series. We begin with professional success and allow the conversation to unfold into money, family roots, inner conflict, responsibility, and becoming an adult. Together, we explore why success can feel blocked or unconsciously sabotaged, and how constellation work supports the movement from victimhood into adulthood. You’ll also experience a guided exercise for integrating two inner voices in conflict, along with reflections on Bertold’s own professional journey. If you’re curious about the deeper systemic roots of success and money, this episode is for you. Bertold Ulsamer Website: https://www.ulsamer.com/startseite/ Email:…

Episode 7: When Love Carries More Than Two People with Bertold Ulsamer Part two of a special five-part series with Bertold Ulsamer, author, teacher, and elder in the field of Family Constellations, and a direct student of Bert Hellinger. In this episode, we talk about couples and relationships—what we carry from our original families, what matters when working with couples, the role of timing, different pacing between partners, relationships today and a beautiful short meditation at the end. I hope you’ll find this conversation meaningful and beneficial. Guest: Bertold Ulsamer Host: Iris Shaham 🔗 Links & Resources Bertold Ulsamer Website: https://www.ulsamer.com/startseite/ Email: bertold.ulsamer@t-online.de 2026 International Seminar (Bucharest)Men and Women – Love and Struggle https://bertold-ulsamer.ro/ Digital Course Integrated Trauma Therapy (facilitated by Bertold Ulsamer)Special January discount available https://iris-savir.systeme.io/integrated-truma-therapy Book The Art and Practice of Family…

Episode 6: This episode opens a special 5-part series with Bertold Ulsamer — author, teacher, and elder in the field of Family Constellations. A direct student of Bert Hellinger, Bertold is a world-renowned scholar and practitioner whose work has helped shape the field internationally. In this opening episode, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Bertold for an open conversation about stations of his life journey and how he was found by constellation work, as he himself describes it. We speak about the experiences through which the work entered his life, how it began to guide him, and what has continued to orient his path over the years. I truly hope you’ll find this conversation meaningful and beneficial. Contact & Resources Bertold Ulsamer Email: bertold.ulsamer@t-online.de Website: https://www.ulsamer.com/startseite/ 2026 International Seminar (Bucharest)Men and Women – Love and Struggle: https://bertold-ulsamer.ro/ Digital Course: Integrated Trauma Therapy (facilitated by Bertold Ulsamer):…

Episode 5: HOME with Suzi Tucker. Welcome to the fifth episode of our special 5-part series with Suzi Tucker, author, teacher, and one of the most influential voices in the world of Family Constellations. In our fifth and final conversation for this round, we explore the theme of home — not just as a place, but as a deep sense of belonging. What does it mean to come home to ourselves, to others, and to life itself? Enjoy listening — I would love to hear from you, what is home for you, where do you feel at home, and anything else you would like to share. Connect with Suzi Tucker:https://www.suzitucker.com Connect with Iris Shaham:https://www.irisconstellations.com © 2025 You, Me, and the Family Tree. All rights reserved.

Welcome to the fourth episode of our special 5-part series with Suzi Tucker, author, teacher, and one of the most influential voices in the world of Family Constellations. Today we dive into the profound role of language — how we speak, how we listen, and how our words shape what unfolds in the constellation field. This episode is especially valuable for: • Family Constellation facilitators • Therapists and counselors • Group leaders of any kind • Anyone curious about deepening their presence and clarity. Suzi shares practical insights on:Hosting groups and working without judgment You’ll also hear a lovely short story about Suzi’s contribution to one of Bert Hellinger’s books. Enjoy listening — and I’d love for you to share your own family phrase — that special saying or line that’s unique to your family. Connect with Suzi Tucker:https://www.suzitucker.com Messengers of Healing book: https://www.amazon.com/Messengers-Hea... Connect with Iris Shaham:https://www.irisconstellations.com © 2025 You, Me, and the…

This is a special 5 episodes' series with Suzi Tucker, author, teacher, and a true pioneer in Family Constellations. In this third episode, I sit down with Suzi to explore the five elements that appear in our lives.This is one of my favorite episodes — we explore the elements, core fears, and I share a personal story from growing up in a kibbutz. This episode is an invitation to reflect on your own life story and notice what resonates with you. Feel welcomed to share.Don’t forget to watch Episodes 1 and 2 if you missed them. Contact Suzi Tucker: ⁠Suzi Website⁠ ⁠Contact Iris Shaham: ⁠Iris Website © 2025 You, Me, and the Family Tree. All rights reserved.

This is a special 5-episode series with Suzi Tucker, author, teacher, and a true pioneer in Family Constellations. In this second episode, we explore what it truly means to acknowledge what is — not to fix, not to escape, but to meet reality exactly as it is. This is one of the more challenging conversations in our series, a profound dialogue that invites you to slow down, breathe, and listen fully. Before diving into the heart of the topic, Suzi shares the story of how she met Bert Hellinger, founder of Family Constellations. A gentle exploration of mindfulness, awareness, and the quiet strength of seeing things as they are. This episode is deep and thought-provoking, best listened to when you have time to sit with it fully. Enjoy! © 2025 You, Me, and the Family Tree. All rights reserved. Contact Suzi Tucker: ⁠Suzi Website ⁠The Gather Enough Fireflies Book Contact Iris Shaham: ⁠Iris Website

This is a special 5 episodes' series with Suzi Tucker, author, teacher, and a true pioneer in Family Constellations. In this opening episode, I sit down with Suzi to explore the intricate process of decision making through the lens of family systems. Together, we reflect on how our choices are often shaped by unseen loyalties, inherited patterns, and the deep connections that bind us to our family stories. This conversation is an invitation to pause and ask yourself: What part of your decision-making truly belongs to you — and what might you be carrying for someone else? I truly hope you’ll find it meaningful and beneficial! © 2025 You, Me, and the Family Tree. All rights reserved. Contact Suzi Tucker: Suzi Website The Gather Enough Fireflies Book I recommend you to hear this beautiful exercise with Suzi: Finding Context for Your Issue Contact Iris Shaham: Iris Website