The Mel Robbins Podcast

00:00 Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. 00:08 You know, a couple of days ago, I asked you online in the stories on Instagram and comments on YouTube, what is keeping you from feeling amazing right now? I saw the same answers over and over. You feel exhausted, overwhelmed, stuck. And look, I get it because I've been feeling that way too. And so I thought to myself, all right, what could I do that could help you and me feel more energized today? As in right now and without some big 90-day plan or some huge commitment because we don't have the energy for that. 00:40 I found exactly what you and I needed to hear right now. There are nine simple changes that I'm going to share with you today that make a surprisingly big difference in your life and how you feel. These are like little life hacks that are super easy to remember. Plus, they're based on all the latest research on feeling better and improving your life and your health. And I guarantee you, you and I will be able to do all of them today. Now, if these nine small things feel a little familiar, that's because I've shared them before. 01:10 They make such a big difference, so much so that this episode that you're about to listen to became our most shared and recommended episode on YouTube. And it's one of my personal favorites. And you may not have heard it. And even if you have, trust me, this is exactly what you need to hear right now because you need these reminders again. So I wanted to give this episode to you and to me now so you can take back your time, your energy, and your sanity. I want to help you make your life easier right away because you deserve that. 01:57 Hey, it's your friend Mel, and I'm so glad you're here. Welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am always so excited to be able to spend time together with you, and I want to start by thanking you for taking the time to listen to something that could help you be happier. Today's conversation is absolutely going to do that. And if you're brand new, I also want to personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family and say you are listening to the perfect episode because I have nine simple changes. that I'm gonna share with you today that are gonna make a surprisingly big difference in your life. 02:31 And what I love about each one of these nine simple changes is that each one of them has its own kind of little fun way to remember it. I'm gonna teach you the little tricks to remembering these things. And what's also really awesome about these nine simple changes is that each one is a way that you can apply the latest research in an easy way to your life. And the fact is there are lots of episodes that you and I do together where we get to sit with the world-renowned leading experts on topics ranging from neuroscience and habits and health and happiness and relationships, and they go so deep on a specific topic. 03:10 And I guarantee you, the second you hear me explain each one, you're going to be like, oh my gosh, that makes so much sense. Why did I not think about it that way? And you're also going to go, thank you, Mel, because the way that you just explained it and that simple little saying that you gave me, now I can remember it. And if I can remember it, I can apply it. And not only can you apply it, you want to know how simple these nine changes are? You'll be able to do most of them while you're listening. And the ones that you can't do while you're listening, you'll be able to do them today. That's how easy and impactful this is going to be. So let's just start with the very first little change that you're going to make. 03:42 I want you to start repeating that phrase that my grandma used to say to me to yourself. Whether you think you can or can't, you're right. 03:48 And let's unpack that because there is so much power packed into that one little sentence. Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right. 03:56 And I'm going to give you an example. Let's say that you're in a situation where you would really love to get a better job. I mean, who doesn't want to get paid more? Who doesn't want to work somewhere where they feel valued and they're having fun and they're making a difference? 04:09 If you think you can't get a better job, are you going to apply? Nope. 04:16 Are you gonna do the work on your resume if you think, well, I can't get a better job? Nope, you're not. Are you gonna network with your parents' friends or reach out to college friends so that you can get a better job? 04:28 Not if you think you can't. 04:30 Are you gonna update your LinkedIn profile? Nope. Why? Because you think you can't. That mindset of thinking, I can't do that, stops you from taking action. And if you stop yourself from taking action because you think you can't do that, You're right, you can't do that. The mindset itself is what's stopping you from taking the actions that are gonna get the result that you want. 04:55 Now let's flip it, okay? 04:58 If you think you can get a better job, Now what happens? 05:04 Now you're opening the door to optimism, to hope. If you think you can get a better job by trying, you're going to want to try. You have a reason to try. You're going to feel more resilient because if you say to yourself, if I think I can or I think I can't, I'll be right. 05:23 One thing that you say, if I think I can, creates a mindset where you try and And when you try, that's what matters because it's all in the trying that you create the results. And so here's how you apply this first little change So that you create surprisingly big results in your life. 05:44 Just start telling yourself, I can do that. 05:47 I can try that. I think I can change my attitude. I can improve my relationship with my spouse. I can get in better shape. I can learn this AI coding thing if I wanted to. Because if you think you can, you'll be right. Because you're going to be more likely to try. You're going to open up the door to all kinds of opportunities because now, just through that small little tiny shift in your mindset, I think I can. 06:14 You will make the effort. So remember, the first tiny little change that creates a surprisingly big difference. We're talking domino effect here. Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right. So by gosh, you better tell yourself you can. 06:33 Now let's go right in to the second little change that I want you to make. And honestly, I can't believe I didn't stumble into this one sooner. And I don't even know who to give credit to for this, but we're just going to take it and run with it. So the little change number two is this. 06:51 If you want to get eight hours of sleep, spend nine hours in bed. 06:57 What the heck? That is so obvious. If you want to get eight hours of sleep, spend nine hours in bed. I'm the kind of person that if I think, okay, I want to get eight hours of sleep tonight. I literally climb in bed at 10 o'clock at night. And then I set my alarm at 6 a.m. That's eight hours. 07:15 Do I get eight hours of sleep? No, because it takes time to fall asleep. In fact, one of the world's most renowned researchers in the science of sleep is none other than Dr. Rebecca Robbins at Brigham and Women's Hospital right here in Boston, Massachusetts. It's one of Harvard's many hospitals in the Boston area. This is what she told me about the average time that it takes for someone to fall asleep. 07:40 This is a great question and I think a big area to promote awareness about because we think that we just should be able to crawl into bed and flip our brains off like a switch. Wrong. Sleep is a process. And so falling asleep actually takes time and more than a lot of people realize. Even a healthy sleeper with no problems should take about 15 or 20 minutes to fall asleep. 08:00 I mean, 15 to 20 minutes on average, if you have no problems. And when I was mentioning this little simple change, you want to get hours of sleep, you better spend nine hours in bed. My friend and one of the producers on the show, Amy, she looked at her kind of sleep data and she's like, well, no wonder I consistently track at seven hours, 35 minutes. Why? Because like you and like me, she's climbing into bed at the exact time she thinks she needs to fall asleep. And then she sets her alarm for eight hours later. And we're not doing that anymore. 08:32 You and I, we are making a little change that's gonna have a surprisingly big impact. Instead of you and I focusing on getting eight hours of sleep, nope, we're not gonna do that. We're gonna focus on spending nine hours in bed. Doesn't that just shift your mindset right away? Simple change, surprisingly big difference. 08:52 And I want you to think about that in your own life. Think about it tonight. 08:56 Instead of thinking that you need to get eight hours of sleep, I want you instead to go, oh, I got to spend nine hours in bed. 09:03 And you want to know the cool thing? So let's just say that you're one of the lucky people that Dr. Rebecca Robbins was just talking about. You can fall asleep quickly. That's wonderful. 15, 20 minutes, bada bing, bada boom. If you think about being in bed for nine hours and you fall asleep 20 minutes into climbing into that bed, and then you wake up eight hours later, guess what? 09:27 You got 40 minutes to spare and you're now getting up even earlier than you thought. I mean, this is such a win for such a simple change. I just freaking love this. And while we're on the topic of sleep, I've got another little change that will make a huge difference in the quality of sleep and your ability to fall asleep. I call this the 5-10-20 rule. I'm going to break it down in a minute, but this relates to all of this research that's out there right now about getting sleep light exposure first thing in the morning and how if you get up and you get outside right away and you get exposure in your eyeballs right away, it resets your circadian rhythm and that helps you sleep at night. 10:08 Now, all this research is super duper exciting, but the second that you hear, okay, the moment you get up in the morning, one of the best things that you can do in order to get a better night's sleep at night is to get yourself outside and get those UVs into your eyeballs. 10:23 If you're like me and you hear this research, you want to do it. But then you immediately have questions. You're like, how long do I need to be out there? What if it's raining? What if it's cloudy? What if I can't get outside? What do I do? How much light is too much light? How am I supposed to remember all this stuff? Simple. 10:42 All you need to remember is that the research says in order to sleep better at night, I got to bank some sunlight first thing in the morning. I got that. That's why you're going to think of the 5-10-20 rule. Because when I hear 5-10-20, I think about getting cash at a bank. And when you go to a bank, they give it to you in 5-10s and 20s. And I remember when I was younger and I was waitressing and I was a bar back, there would be nights where I would be the one closing down the restaurant and ending the shift and I would have to tally all the cash and close it all out. 11:13 And then they give you this big envelope that you zip and then you go to the bank and you drop it into the night deposit box. And so 5, 10, 20, which is what was in that envelope. So when I would drop it off into the night deposit box, that was what was going into the bank. And for you and me, we got a bank either 5, 10 or 20. And here's how this works. 11:32 If it's sunny outside, you need to be outside for five. You got to bank five minutes. If it's cloudy, can you guess how much time you need? Bingo. Look how smart you are. 10. That's right. Give yourself 10 minutes outside if it's cloudy. And if it's rainy, 11:49 How long do you think you need to be out on your porch? 11:52 Boom, you got it, 20. That's the 5-10-20 rule. Sunny 5, cloudy 10, rainy 20. Or sit next to your window for 20 minutes. That's it. That's how you remember this research that you got to bank UV light first thing in the morning to reset the circadian rhythm, and that helps you get a better night's sleep. And the 5-10-20 is a simple rule of thumb that you can follow that will help you apply it no matter what the weather is. Isn't that awesome? Little change, surprisingly big difference. And that brings me to number four. 12:25 Now, Henry David Thoreau said, an early morning walk is a blessing for the whole day. Your friend Mel Robbins is telling you, a little walk is a solution to 93% of your problems. 12:40 I'm going to explain this. 12:42 Let's just say you got a report due at work. You've been working on it. It's super stressful. It's due in literally a couple hours and your head is spinning. You're so overwhelmed. That's a problem. 12:53 The deadline is looming. Your head is spinning. The solution to that problem, to feeling overwhelmed in that moment, It's to take a walk because in that situation, you don't think you have time, but the truth is you don't have time to waste sitting there spinning. 13:08 And a 10 minute walk is the solution to that problem because it's going to reset your mind. This is all based on research. It's going to improve your productivity. It'll spark new ideas so that when you walk back in and you sit down, boom, you're ready to focus and you will get that puppy done. 13:24 Let me give you another one. 13:25 Let's say that the person that you've been seeing suddenly sends you a text and says, you know, I've been thinking this isn't going to work out. 13:34 That's a problem. You're heartbroken. You're disappointed. Maybe you're super annoyed that they did it by text. Instead of firing off an angry response or sitting there with that text message feeling like a rejected loser, because what's going to happen if you do that? You're either going to send something that you regret or you're going to get completely overwhelmed by your emotions and that's going to make you feel even worse. What is the solution to the disappointment that you feel when you get a text like that out of the blue? I'll tell you the solution. Take a little walk. 14:05 Because walking lifts your mood. It reduces the intensity of the disappointment. It also allows you to step away and get objectivity from that thing that immediately stressed you out, which was that text message. And it creates a break from the flood of negative emotions. And as you're out there walking, The rhythm of the movement and the change of the scenery can help you clear your mind. It makes it easier for you to gain perspective and calm down and start to move forward and actually choose what you're going to do as the response instead of acting out of reaction, which you're always going to regret. 14:43 All of this based on research. Little walk, big difference. Here's another example. Let's say your mom calls and tells you that the test that they ran on your dad came back and it's bad. They think your dad has cancer. 14:57 Your heart sinks. 14:59 Your worst fears just flood through your brain. You hang up the phone, you start to cry. Now, let me tell you something. If you immediately go and log on to WebMD and you go down that research spiral, you're gonna feel worse, you're gonna feel powerless, and that's gonna be a major problem. Why? Your parents need you to process what you're feeling and get to a point where you can think clearly so you can help them, so that you can be supportive through this whole thing. So the solution to this really big problem, go for a little walk. 15:33 The walk isn't going to change the fact that your dad has this diagnosis. 15:38 What it does is it changes you, your state of mind, your physiology, your mood, your emotions. Based on the research, going for a little walk makes a big difference because you're going to be able to process this information and it gives you space from your emotions so you're not overwhelmed by them. And that's going to let you walk back in with new ideas and a much more strategic response to the situation. Here's another example. 16:10 Let's just say you finish dinner and now, like me, you are craving a bowl of ice cream with hot fudge sauce and some salted peanuts on top. And you can tell that I always crave that little sundae, right? Well, that can be a problem, especially if you've made a commitment to eat less sugar and lay off the desserts every night. So the solution to that problem of when that craving hits, go for a little walk. Why? Well, studies have found that a 15-minute walk curbs cravings for chocolate. It reduces the amount of chocolate you even eat in stressful situations. 16:42 Other research shows that going for a walk after dinner not only helps you reduce stress and helps you digest, but it also helps you process insulin. How freaking cool is that? Who knew a little walk could do so much? Here's another one. You just had an argument with a roommate over the fact that your roommate's significant other is always at your place. They never go to their place. They're always at your place. And so you now live with two people, not one person, and it's starting to feel weird. So you bring it up and then they blow up you and it's really tense conversation and they walk into their bedroom door and they shut the door. 17:19 This moment's a problem. 17:21 Because you then start to question the fact that you drew a boundary. And then you're going to want to feel, if you stay in that space, like you need to then go knock on the door and apologize. It's okay. I didn't mean it. I'm just all stressed out. 17:34 The solution to this problem is going for a little walk. 17:40 Because as you're learning, the power of a simple walk is extraordinary. 17:46 By walking it off, that is a phrase, you're going to gain clarity. You're going to gain perspective over why this issue is important to you and why it's important that you become the kind of person that does express the boundaries and the requests that you have. And that's going to help you walk back into the apartment and realize that It's not your responsibility to manage your roommate's emotions. And it's not your responsibility to manage your roommate's disappointment. It is your responsibility to ask for what you need. 18:16 And that's all that you did. 18:18 And the truth is about a walk is that it's not going to erase the problems that you're going to face in your day-to-day life, and it doesn't erase mine either. The reason why a little walk works as one solution for so many problems that you face is because of how it changes you so quickly. How you feel, your mood, the clarity of your mind, and that changes your ability to to come back and deal with things differently. When you're in control of your response, you have the power to solve 100% of the problems you face. 18:51 And that's why it's so cool. And it also has this magical, powerful effect to opening you up to different solutions that you never can see for yourself if you're still standing in your apartment or searching on WebND or sitting there rage texting at somebody that broke up with you. 19:09 So Henry David Thoreau said, an early morning walk is a blessing for the whole day, and your friend Mel Robbins is reminding you, a little walk is a solution to 93% of your problems. 19:20 Don't you love these? Because they're kind of things you know, but it's a whole new way to look at it. And I love the sticky ways to remember it. And this feels like a fabulous time to take a quick pause, hear a word from our sponsors. And by the way, don't go anywhere because the little change number five that I'm gonna tell you about, I think is gonna surprise you and you're gonna love it. So stay with me. 19:52 Welcome back. It's your friend, Mel Robbins. And today we are talking about nine little changes that make a surprisingly big difference in your life. And we've already covered four of them. The first one was if you think you can or you think you can't, you're right. That's a little mindset switch. And I want you to always think you can. The second little change is if you want to get eight hours of sleep, Make sure you're in bed for nine hours. Freaking love that. And the third little change that we've already talked about that makes a surprisingly big difference is about that research of getting light first thing in the morning in your eyes. 20:29 And you're going to remember you got to bank 5, 10, 20. And I bet you even remember what the 5, 10, and 20 stand for. You got this. Five if it's sunny. 10 minutes if it's cloudy. 20 minutes if it's raining or you're looking through a window. I freaking love that. And the fourth one that we just talked about, which is you got a problem, take a walk. It is a solution to 93% of the problems you're going to face, not because it removes the problems, but because it changes you and your ability to respond to those problems. And that brings me to little change number five. 21:02 I told you this was going to surprise you. 21:04 Here's what it is. 21:06 Stop talking. 21:08 I think I've spent a lot of my life feeling like I got to participate in every conversation. I got to have an opinion on everything. I got to make sure I get in the last word, whether it's at work or family in particular. 21:20 And when you stop talking, a whole different world opens up to you. 21:25 It's kind of hard to do if you're somebody who is used to asking questions and having an opinion. But try this. 21:32 Go into work or into class this week and And be quiet. 21:40 Don't say anything. 21:42 And notice how different everything is. 21:45 Or when you're having dinner with your family. 21:49 Be quiet. 21:51 Ask questions if you want. 21:53 But stop talking. 21:56 There are two ways stop talking has made a big difference in my life. The first is in helping me grow. 22:03 Because when you're the one talking, you're not learning anything. It's when you're listening or when you're reading or when you're taking a class, when that input is coming in, that's when you learn and grow. I remember a couple years ago, I was talking to a friend of mine, and this was back when my career was really about motivational speaking. And I was saying, you know, I feel really burnt out. 22:28 I feel like I just am stale. I'm not getting any better at this craft. I'm not feeling like I'm growing. Something's up. I don't know what it is. And my friend said to me, well, I know exactly what you're talking about because I felt that way too. And then I decided to stop talking. And I said, what do you mean you decided to stop talking? You're still getting paid to do speeches. And he said, no, no, no, I decided that I would stop talking so much and I would prioritize instead of standing on that stage talking, I would make sure that at least 10 times a year, I found myself sitting in the audience listening. 23:06 And that really struck me because I realized in that moment, my whole life was about output, speaking, creating, doing all the stuff. 23:14 And I wasn't getting the input I needed. 23:20 One immediate change that I made after that conversation was I signed up to go to two events where I could sit in an audience. Another one is I dedicated time every week to just input, reading a book, watching someone else on stage who's masterful and learning from them, taking an online course on a topic that I was interested in. 23:42 All that input helped me grow. And you're not growing when you're talking. You grow and learn when you're listening. And the second way that this made a huge difference in my life is it taught me that you don't always need to have the last word. 23:59 It's amazing how often you'll find that you offer an opinion just because you think you should. 24:08 It's amazing how often you can get pulled into these conversations where it's just one person and then the other trying to get the last word in. The truth is not everything deserves a response. 24:22 Not everyone deserves an explanation. Stop talking. 24:27 Not every conversation is one that you need to participate in. 24:34 Stop talking and start practicing. 24:38 being quiet and not having an opinion. 24:41 Oftentimes protecting your peace and not getting involved and just listen, don't talk is going to make you happier. And one other thing, if you're in a conversation with somebody and it's argumentative or it's tense, stop talking. 24:58 I'm not talking silent treatment stuff here. I just stop talking. 25:03 Lower your voice when you do. 25:05 it signals that you're in control. 25:09 So stop talking and you're going to get your awareness, your confidence, and a whole different world is going to open up to you. So stop talking. 25:18 All right, that brings me to number six. I love, love, love this one. And if you struggle with ADHD or clutter, you're going to love this too. Number six, put things back where they belong. 25:30 This little change, Just tiny changes made a huge difference in clutter, in organization for me, that when you find something, put it where it belongs. 25:41 It just takes less than a minute to do the right thing. And then you are one item at a time, not allowing clutter to build up. I do this every single day in almost every room that I walk in. If I see something that is out of place, I put it where it belongs. And if you adopt this little change, you see something, it's out of place, put it where it belongs. You will be shocked at how much more organized your house is. In fact, I'll tell you a story about something that happened today. So the Vermont studios are above my garage. 26:12 And today we were working on this awesome episode about owls. And I had all of these like objects and things that I was using to show in the YouTube video. And when we were done with the taping, There was a pile of stuff up here that all belonged in different places. You know what the old me would have done before this rule? I probably would have left it up here and that it would become not a little pile, but a gigantic volcano of things that started piling up that did not belong here. So instead, I kind of use this rule, just touch it once. 26:44 I loaded all of the little objects into a big bowl and then I brought it into the kitchen, which is where one of the items belong. That's all I needed to do. Check. I put the bowl where it belonged. 26:56 30 minutes later, I was done with lunch and I was walking back through the kitchen. Now, inside the bowl was a pair of swim trunks and a little owl statue. I know you're thinking, what was she doing? Doesn't matter. These were objects that belong in my bedroom. Now, I could have just as easily walked right past them and gone right on up above the garage to get back to work. But I have this rule. 27:20 If you see something out of place, put it where it belongs. So I scooped those things up. It took me 30 seconds to walk to the bedroom. I put it down, boom, done. And when I got into the bedroom, you know what I saw? I saw a shirt that was on top of my bed. I don't know why it was there, The old me would have taken that t-shirt and tucked it under the pillows. Does it belong there? No, it belongs in the closet. So simple change. You see something out of place, put it where it belongs. Picked it up, fold it, rolled it, tucked it in the drawer. 27:53 10 seconds later, boom. 27:55 I love that. 27:57 Put things where they belong. It takes 30 seconds. It'll make you feel so much more organized. And on top of it, it is an incredibly little change that makes an enormous difference. And I bet as you're listening, whether you're sitting in your car or even walking or you're at home, if you look around, there is something around you that does not belong in the room that you're in. 28:22 Put it where it belongs when we're done with this episode. One of the other things that I love about this little change is that it saves you so much time. Like I was doing things wrong. I was piling everything up and thinking I would get to it later. That is a huge waste of time because you've got to do everything like three or four different times. If you simply... see something out of place, and then you take 30 seconds and put it where it belongs, it's a huge time saver. And while we're on the topic of time, the next little change that makes a surprisingly big difference in your life is all about time and how you manage it. 28:59 You're going to freaking love this, so don't go anywhere. And by the way, if you've been thinking about someone that you love, that would love all these little changes that make a Take the time and send this to them while you're listening to our amazing sponsors. And don't go anywhere because I'm going to be waiting for you right after this short break. And we're going to jump into number seven. You're going to love this little change. Stay with me. 29:33 Welcome back. It's your friend, Mel Robbins. We are talking about nine little changes that make a surprisingly big difference in your life. And that brings me to little change number seven. 29:44 Wait a week. 29:46 If you're the kind of person who's impulsive with your money, like I used to be, wait a week. 29:55 And the principle here is this. 29:58 Wait a week means you're giving yourself a cooling off period. Because the truth is, you're always going to be excited by the idea of buying something that you don't need and that you don't have the money for. I'd be right, you'd be like staring at this thing, this new pair of shoes, and you're like all excited because, you know, for me, I am a freak about Birkenstocks. And when they come out with the fake shearling Birkenstocks for the fall, I look and they have a different colorway in the spring. 30:28 I look at those and I'm like, oh my gosh, these are so cool. And I get all excited and I imagine myself in these things and I freaking love Birkenstocks. But the truth is, I don't need them anymore. In fact, I'm wearing a pair right now, but I can just imagine seeing the brand new colors and feeling the excitement and just really wanting it. And you know how good it feels when you go click and you purchase it? Oh my gosh. 30:54 If you don't need it or you can't afford it, wait a week. 31:01 And the fact is, if you can't afford to buy it twice, then you can't afford to buy it once. It's kind of another rule of thumb. 31:09 But the main thing that you and I are struggling with is the shocking amount of useless stuff that we buy on impulse that we don't need. Because I don't know if you've noticed this, but why is every social media platform now a 24-7 online shopping network? Like there is so much stuff in your face to buy that this wait a week thing, holy cow has it saved me from so many shop now, tap, click, let's go purchases. So if you see something that you want and it's more than a hundred bucks, wait a week. 31:47 This is genius because you're not saying, I don't need that. I can't afford that. You're not shaming yourself. 31:53 What you're doing is you're being smart. When you say wait a week, You are rising above your emotions and you're not allowing your excitement and the thrill of the buying and the distraction and the immediate gratification to lead you to doing something that you either can't afford or that you don't need or that's just dumb. You work hard for your money. Why be stupid with it? I'll tell you what, wait a week, little change. 32:18 surprisingly huge difference. And I wish I could pull up my Amazon shopping cart right now because it is full of things that I've gone, boop, put in cart, but I'm going to wait a week. They've been sitting there for months because once the initial, I need that thing that just popped up is gone, you realize you don't need it, or you don't want it, or you can't afford it, or that you're not that stupid to waste your money that you've been working really hard to make on something dumb like that. And it's going to save you money. It's going to make you smarter, and it's going to help you rise above the emotion and the algorithm and the way that this stuff is in your face all day. 32:54 Wait a week, and I promise you, you will see a big difference. 32:59 And that brings me to little change number eight. 33:02 Have you ever heard that eyes are the window to the soul? Shakespeare said that. 33:09 They are also a way to holding eye contact with somebody. 33:14 Here's a little trick. I love this. The next time you're talking to someone, notice the color of their eyes. 33:22 It is the easiest way to train yourself to practice eye contact. 33:28 This little change, noticing the color of someone's eyes has made a huge difference in my life because holding eye contact was something that I used to struggle with. It's actually a super common symptom of ADHD to kind of look around or look up when you're thinking. And for a long time, I was so self-conscious about the fact that I'd be trying to look at somebody in the eyes and then my eyes would dart left or right. And I was self-conscious about it because number one, I thought it was disrespectful. And number two, there is this myth that when someone is looking away, they're lying to you. 34:01 And so I would catch myself looking away and then being like, oh my gosh, they're going to think I'm lying. 34:06 Looking at someone's eyes and noticing, like really noticing the color of their eyes, it not only helps you to make eye contact, But it gives you something that you can truly appreciate and compliment about somebody else. Because if you truly take the time to notice someone else's eyes, the color is so unique and mesmerizing and different. You know, you don't want to be creepy about this. 34:37 You don't want to, like, death stare at people. But it also, like, gosh, you've got amazingly cool eyes. Are they hazel? Or are they green? Yeah. Wow. It's just something you can compliment people on. And the more that you do it, the more comfortable you are holding eye contact with someone, which is a display of confidence. It makes you be more present with people. Research shows that holding eye contact while you talk and kind of nodding a little bit displays that you're listening and that you care about what the person's saying. 35:09 And so this isn't just something that's polite to do. It demonstrates something about you, that impacts the way the other person thinks about you, the quality of the connection, the reputation that you have. It's really a little change that has a surprisingly big difference in your life. And that brings me to the final little change, number nine, and it's smile. 35:33 Yep, smile. 35:36 The research on just forcing yourself to put a little smile on your face is shocking. 35:46 And look, if you're in a massive breakdown or your fiance just called off the wedding or you're grieving or you feel depressed, you don't have to force yourself to smile. You should feel what you need to feel. 36:00 But for most days, a little change that makes a surprisingly big difference is forcing yourself to smile. 36:10 And I am shocked now that I am focused on this little daily change. Just, you know, as you're listening to me, practice pulling your sides of your mouth up towards your ears. Seriously, practice doing it. 36:24 I'm doing it right now and everybody watching on YouTube can see it. 36:28 It kind of does something. It's weird. And what I found now that I'm trying to make this little change, whenever I catch myself, smile. 36:38 It's shocking to me how often my facial expression is in resting you-know-what face. I'm like frowning or I'm serious and I look mad. And I want to tell you a little bit about the research related to making yourself smile. Because I was surprised to find out that happiness researchers have been at battle over whether or not a smile actually scientifically can make you happier. And so this researcher over at Stanford, Nicholas Coles, he was one of these researchers that was like, I don't know, can a smile make you happy? 37:13 He was kind of on the fence because there was all this conflicting stuff going on in the scientific community. So he was like, that's it. I'm going to settle this puppy once and for all. And so he conducts this huge research project that got together the researchers that didn't think smiles make you happy and the research camp that thought, well, yes, of course they make you happy. And they did this huge study collecting data from 3,800 participants in 19 countries. They analyzed all the data and here's what they found. 37:46 Settling the debate once and for all. 37:49 Researchers found a noticeable increase in happiness from participants who either looked at photographs of other people smiling and then tried to mimic the smile they saw in the photo, or from simply pulling their mouth towards their ears. Like this, like that's freaking crazy. Like you can do a fake smile where you like make yourself pull your lips towards your ears and do a fake smile. 38:18 That's crazy. 38:20 And basically what they're saying is that they believe that there is this facial feedback thing happening. 38:30 That when you make that expression, it sends data to your brain and your emotions telling you that you're okay. 38:40 And it's true, isn't it? 38:43 That when you see someone smile, you smile. 38:45 When you hear someone laugh, you laugh. You know, the researchers were very clear to say, you know, forcing yourself to smile is not going to yank you out of depression. 38:55 And will it solve all your problems? No. 38:59 But interestingly, when you make this little change, and it's just something little you can do, and you make yourself smile on the days that, you know, kind of feel like meh, you're going to feel better. 39:15 And now you know there is a scientific benefit to doing it. 39:20 And so let me remind you of the nine little changes that make a surprisingly big difference in your life. 39:29 Number one, whether you think you can or can't, you're right. Your mindset matters. So you better think you can because that's going to make you try. 39:39 The second little change, if you want to get eight hours of sleep, spend nine hours in bed. 39:45 The third little change, 5, 10, 20. Bank those sunlight hours for better sleep. And let me prove to you that you remember this. You're going to bank 5, 10, or 20. How much time for sunlight? That's right, five. What if it's cloudy day? That's right, 10. What if it's raining or you're sitting next to a window? That's right, 20. Good for you. See how this works? Bank 5, 10, 20. The fourth little change you're going to make is remembering that a walk is a solution to 93% of your problems. 40:14 Not because it erases the problem that's in front of you, but because it changes you for the better. And that helps you solve the problem. 40:24 Little change number five. 40:26 Stop talking. 40:28 Protect your peace. Hold on to your power. 40:32 If you want to learn, you got to be listening. Stop talking. 40:36 And the sixth little change, don't put things back where you found them. Put them where they belong. 40:43 Holy cow, has that made me more organized and has it made our house have way less clutter. 40:50 And number seven, wait a week. 40:54 Wait a week. I know it feels good to buy all that stupid stuff that you don't need, but wait a week. You are way more powerful than your emotions and you work super hard for your money, so I want you to stop spending it on stupid things. And if you can't afford it twice, you can't afford to buy it once. So wait a week. 41:12 Little change number eight, when you're talking to someone, notice the color of their eyes. 41:19 The more you do this, the more present you are, the more confident that you feel, the more you deepen the relationships and the connections that you have with other people. 41:29 And little change number nine, all throughout the day, just notice your facial expression and put a smile on your face. I promise you, you'll feel a little better. 41:40 And one more thing, in case no one else tells you, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And I know that you now have nine little changes that you can do today and every day that will make a shockingly big difference. 42:04 Now go do them and I will be waiting for you in the very next episode. I'll see you there. 42:14 And let's start, and let's start. 42:18 So let's just jump, so let's just jump right in. So let's just jump into the very first one. Problem, go for a little walk. 42:26 Yeah, go for a little walk. 42:29 And look, go for a little walk. 42:33 Oh, here's the thing. Okay, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. 42:35 Okay. Do you want me to tell this story or no? That's Chris. I don't know if you heard the garage door opening below us, but it opened up and I now I'm like, oh, it's about to close. You want to know why? Christopher Robbins lives by the little change, put things where they belong. And once the garage door is open, it belongs closed. Here we go. 42:55 Okay. 42:57 Awesome. 43:01 Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know, what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend, I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode. 43:36 Sirius XM Podcasts.